Woven Cognition

Argh. I don't want Instant Star to end. =[

Well, I had just about the best weekend ever. Yes, I got my shift key fixed. Yay! I wonder how long it'll last. I'm really getting ready to break this shitty keyboard. Anyway.

I spent some of Friday cleaning off my TV and preparing for it to be shipped out so my new TV could be shipped in. Not much time at all was allocated to doing this on Friday. I spent more time on Saturday morning doing it. Then, my mom washed it off and screen cleaned it. She said I should go along to bring it back just in case I have a variety of televisions to choose from as my replacement. We wouldn't be leaving until after six. My dad had to make up work because he was sick a day this week.

It was kinda depressing getting rid of it. I liked my [then current] TV, but the HD didn't work and the volume/channel buttons were fucked up. It had to go. Besides, I'm getting a whole new TV for Christ's sake. Who the hell would pass that up? I took some pictures for posterity. And evidence. In case they try to screw us over.. or if the TV fell out of the trunk on the way there. Lmao.

I unhooked everything and we moved it out and my mom vacuumed behind it. Tha thing is a monster. When my dad moved it around so my mom could get to the back of it, it began crushing my entertainment center. Apparently it's supposed to weigh only 150. If that's the case, I weigh more than it does and I doubt that.

It was gonna be a pain in the ass bringing it downstairs, but we managed. Then we had to load it into the trunk of the car, which was a lot easier. We were all gonna go, so we left my uncle at home. He was alright by himself, thankfully. Haha. So was my dog. Usually, I have to stay at home and babysit or someone else has to.

Now, I was given the impression and expectation that my replacement TV would either be the exact same kind as my old one, maybe look different, be a more updated model, or maybe I'd get to choose from any kind of Panasonic TV, as that was the brand I had. When we got to Circuit City (which is in a new location and now looks like a gigantic bookstore from the outside) and went in after they wheeled my TV away, the guy told us that they no longer make tube TVs, which is what I had, and I would have to choose from the flat screen LCDs.  I did not complain with that! I mean, I like big ol' TVs, but I think flatscreen LCDs are the shit! The only thing that worried me and what I originally thought he said/meant was that because they don't make the same kind I had or that they just don't have any, that I'd have to settle for a smaller TV. I mean, the ones I got to choose from looked smaller in screen size because they're not so bulky and have a much smaller cabinet.

They were all widescreen, too. I wasn't limited to the ones that costed exactly the same as my old one, but if I got a more expensive TV, we'd have to pay the difference. It was a tough choice. I was wary and kinda bummed about the sizes of the TVs at first, but I was told the screen size was the same, just 32" wide and like I said before, the cabinet (area around the TV screen) is smaller, so it gives off that illusion. They had some wicked TVs there. I WISH I could have gotten one of those giant 58" inchers. If only I had $1500 more. My parents and brother helped me pick one out and I picked the one with the biggest and sharper screen with a nice look. What really sealed the deal was that this TV is normally $800, going for only $550. FUCK YES!! The thing was, the one on display was the only one they had of that one. The guy called elsewhere and found a brand new one in Appleton and we'd have to pay only $50 difference, but they closed at 10 and we'd never make it.

I had to make a choice between getting the one on display right now, or wait until tomorrow and get a brand spankin' new one for only $50 more. I was really gonna say "I want one now, so give me the display." But the "You'll thank me for this later" side of me told me to wait. And I did. I was pissed because I really wanted the TV tonight and now when I went home, I wouldn't be able to do anything since my TV was gone.

My mom offered to let me borrow a different TV until tomorrow and my brother offered to let me play Xbox 360 in his room. We even went to McDonald's afterward. I love my family. That made things a lot better. It sucked having to wait and have no TV for the night, but I was getting a fucking amazing TV for a crazy good deal. That pretty much made it worth it. That still made me happy nonetheless and I was still excited for it. Made me less upset. Then, we went to McD's for me and my bro and BK for my mom and dad and we went home.

I ended up buying a Magnavox flat screen LCD TV.  :D

I spent much of the night being with my family. I don't really do that much and I really should do it more. It was really nice and a lot of fun. Then my brother and I played some Halo 3 on Live and I went to bed.

To make things better, my mom and bro told me they were gonna go and get the TV after dropping off my dad at work. So, I would pretty much have it here before I woke up. But, they were just leaving when I woke up. It's all good, though, because I needed to clean up my entertainment center and my room. By the time I finished, they were home.

They brought back more food. Lawlz. So, I quick ate and we began setting it up. It was a lot more stressful and complicated than I thought it'd be. But thankfully, my brother knows his stuff when it comes to cords and shit. The screen is so fucking amazing.TV shows look amazing, video games are great, DVDs too.. and Xbox 360 HD.. OH MY GOD!!!! ORGASMIC!!!

I invited my family to watch some things to display the greatness of my new TV and it was a lot of fun and my TV didn't fail to deliver.

I went with my mom to go pick up my dad from work. We just talked about whatever and we talked about what happens in the afterlife and living forever.. Then I asked her if she supported me and my sexuality and she told me she does and that she loves me no matter what and she respects that I'm gay and doesn't question it. She only wants the best for me and hopes my brother and dad take the news well. I'm so glad she understands now. I'm truly thankful to have a great family.

After getting my dad, I got a milkshake. YAY MILKSHAKES!!

When I got home, we had dinner and I showed my dad my TV. It's pretty much like a new family member now. I tested out more things with it. My brother let me borrow his game, TimeShift and he showed it to me on my TV. It's so real looking, you'd think you're there!

We played Halo 3 again later, too. It's so crisp and clear, and FEAR.. WOW. You can actually tell what the HUD says. The ONLY gripe I have about the TV is that whenever you change channels, there's a big gawdy HUD that blocks things out for a couple seconds, but I figured out a way to get past it for the most part. Another thing I was worried about was the TV being smaller (not in screen size) was that I'd have to duck to see it. It's actually just fine the way it is. No need for a stand. It's not a projection, either. So, I can go anywhere and still see the screen perfectly. :D It really accentuates my room well. It's a perfect fit. Way better than my old TV. Although, I will miss my old one. I got to keep the remote from my old one at least. XD

Some people might find it lame or materialistic that my family and I were brought together because of a fancy TV, but if it works, go for it. Besides, fuck them if they don't like it. It's better than being brought together by something boring and lame. =P This weekend was the best I'd had in forever and I've been the happiest I had been in a long time, too. We all really needed this. Thanks.

yesterday was a major flop. it did not turn out as nice as i had anticipated. it started before i even went to bed. man, was i miserable. i thought that my fucking cold would have been done by yesterday, but think it was possibly the most irritating day yet. it was really hard to breathe and i had to keep blowing my nose every two seconds and my eyes were watering a lot. it took me a long time to fall asleep and i only slept for a couple hours.

the n's been playing some old school nickelodeon shows, which is pretty cool. it makes me feel nostalgic, so i looked up some clips from all that on youtube. this one guy posted a bunch of clips from ask ashley. haha. they're still funny. there were some others, too. the next day, yesterday, i went to go look at them again, and some were deleted. a little later on, they were all deleted and the guy's account was suspended due to him having so many copyright infringed videos. seriously, fuck youtube. copyright infringement my ass. what sense does it make that we can't watch those videos online for free, but we can watch them on tv for free?

little miss obsessive's video was supposed to premiere on trl finally yesterday, but did that happen? nope. i was pissed. whatever. i did get to see this gorgeous man on another show on mtv. holy fuck. i almost died. it's so fucking depressing seeing hot guys you know you'll never have. fuck.

my mom and i argued about me looking for some shit that i had no clue where it was, and she refused to help me. argh. it's no big deal anymore. i looked and couldn't find it. she said it wasn't really that necessary to have, anyway.

i was too bored to play on xbl last night. lately, no one's been on there or no one's been playing halo. it kinda sucks. everyone's playing cod4 or gta4. so, i killed the boredom by watching the unadvertised 24+ hour marathon of zoey 101. i guess they heard my inside joke of the episodes lasting for days at a time. or they were promoting the series finale.

today was much better. my brother gave me this screen recorder, so i can record things from youtube and wherever else. yay! not so much happened today, really. but it is better than being miserable. i watched the series finale of zoey 101. aw. =[ i just started watching it, too. it was good, though.

tomorrow i get my new tv. =] i'm psyched. i gotta clean it up, still. something tells me i'll have more than enough time to do that tomorrow, though. but, i'll still do it tonight, most likely.

mannnnn.. it was real shitty out most of today. then, it was foggy and come dusk, the fog lifted and it was gorgeous outside and it became windy. goddd. i love it. later, folks.

i feel much better today. =]

oh and in case you're wondering, 'cause i know you were, my left shift key broke. i refuse to bother using the right shift key, because i am left shift key oriented. only.

It's the last day of April. Sigh. What's the big deal, you ask? Nothing, really. For some reason, this month has brought me a lot of nice things. I met new people, made new friends, overcame obstacles and had a lot of fun. This month has been fantastic ever since the first day.But, here's to a whole bunch of other great months in the future!

I've been having a bittersweet week thus far. On Monday, I was bored for almost the entire day. I actually started playing on Halo 3 with friends I currently have. Normally, once I add someone as a friend on Xbox Live, I don't really play with them again. Which is probably why so many of them end up deleting me. But even so, they shouldn't. They should be just a little more patient with me. I can understand if your friends list is filling up and you wanna weed out the people you don't play with/talk to, but some of these people only have like 5 friends max. This isn't what this entry's about, though.

I played a few games on Forge with Gaby's brother and my other friend, Mitch. I didn't meet these two on Xbox Live, though. Well, Gaby's brother, technically I did. Whatever. Mitch and I played a few games later that night and one of my other friends, who added me from Halo 3 was online, so I sent him an invite to join us and he eventually came and played with us. It was a lot of fun. The guy's really cool. He's the one I wrote about in an earlier entry - the one I thought would ignore me but sent me a friend request instead. Hah.

We played a few rounds, and then they both had to leave so I went to bed after that. Unfortunately that day, I was also getting sick. My throat started to feel funny, so I started spraying Zicam in my throat. My brother was getting that feeling when we were bringing Chazz home, and now he's sick. I'm like a sickness magnet, so of course I'd be next. My throat got progressively worse and the next day it was unbearable. I woke up early, being unable to sleep any longer, plus I wanted to play with Gaby. She couldn't go on , her brother stayed home sick. What a coincidence. It's okay, I probably shouldn't have been talking anyway.

I napped a couple times throughout the day. Took some "tasteless" medicine you mix with a drink. It's not so tasteless. It's downright nauseating. Fuck that, I'm sticking with the throat spray. It hurt to talk, breathe and swallow. It hurt A LOT. I coulld barely talk at all. My cousin came over and she and my mom went out to eat and back to her place. My mom wanted to get away from my crazy uncle. I don't blame her one bit. I chilled at home and kept watch of things. My mom came back a couple of hours later and brought me back food and cough drops. I hadn't had a cough drop since that morning and I was DYING for one. After I ate, my throat felt a lot better. My cousin also let me have her jester hat she got when my brother, my dad and my brother's friend and her went down to Louisiana to get the shit my bro's ex gf stole from him back. Man, she remembered I wanted a hat like that and that happened 8 or so years ago. I'm surprised she still remembers. Haha. It's a cool hat, though! She's so generous. She paid for everything! I owe her a lot.

Mitch, his friend and I played Halo again that night. My friend never showed up. He said he was going to. Something musta came up. I did see him online during the day, though.

Today, my throat felt a lot better. I could talk again! But my other cold symptoms flared up. I had a stuffy nose, a cough and my head hurt. I lazed around today. Didn't play Xbox Live at al.. NOBODY'S ON! What the hell? I really wanna play with my new friend again. He's cool and fun to play with.

I'm getting my new TV on Saturday! Yay! That guardian bitch comes over on Friday. Luckily, I won't have to deal with her at all. Little Miss Obsessive music video's on tomorrow's TRL. It'll be a good next couple days!

I'm sorta crushin' on someone again. But I don't think it'll last very long. I really need a boyfriend. I'm such a fucking relationship virgin, I'd probably not know how to go about it if it smacked me in the face.

I got to get out of the house for a few hours with my mom. It wasn't some kind of expedition or a shopping trip, but it was good to get away for some time. I went with her to run errands of the lawyer and bank variety. And, we got to go across the new bridge. It's so fucking weird that the other bridge is gone. I don't like it. Change sucks. The new bridge is so... weird. It's like being in another country.

Anyway, it was raining and lightning like crazy. It stormed off an on all day. It was also the Day of Silence, but I wasn't very silent. Haha. Instead, I just wrote about it.

Saturday was both long and a lot of fun. I woke up around 1 or so. It was dark, cloudy, cold and windy. I liked it. It was too cold to do anything outside, so I just had the window open. I went back to playing Halo again. I met this one guy on there and put him on my friends.

My brother's friend Chazz came over. I played him on Halo before, but I had never met him in person. He's pretty cool. We all played a bunch of rounds of Halo 3 and then we took him home. It was a fun day.

I just got done watching the finale of Big Brother 9. I'm glad Adam won, but I'm PISSED that James won the favorite juror prize. Fuck James. He doesn't deserve shit. Natalie or Matt deserved to win that. Oh well. BIG BROTHER 10 PREMIERES JULY 13!! YAY!!

Yay! I got Ashlee Simpson's new CD, Bittersweet World last night! The day it came out. I love all the tracks. It was kinda confusing getting it, though. My bro was gonna get it on his way home from work. There was confusion on the cover art, since there were so many different ones. And since it was from Wal-Mart, it was most likely gonna be edited. It didn't say "EDITED" on the price tag like it should. And it IS edited. Argh. I mean, I know Wal-Mart has all edited CDs.. but since it didn't say edited on there, I assumed there was no swearing in the lyrics and there's obvious swearing and censors.. so.. I'm gonna take it back. They HAVE to let me take it back. That's false advertisement. Woulda got it from Best Buy, but that's closed by the time my dad and brother get done with work. =/

Lmao. My mom and I spent like 45 minutes talking about Ashlee Simpson that night before they came home. It was fun. Lawl.

Ashlee did a really good job performing on Jay Leno the night before Bittersweet World was released. She has a hot new bass player, too. I'm gonna get on that today.

Also, my dad called the TV place and I'm getting a new TV! :d See, my TV is fucked up and my dad called about the warantee before it expired and the assholes said they'd come and fix it.. and when he called them, they said they had to order parts.. they didn't even come and check it out.. and they never came, anyway. Morons. So he just requested that Circuit City just replace it with a new one, and that's what I got! Wo0t! A 4 year old TV for a new one is a good deal, yo.

I was up the entire day Friday from when I woke up on Thursday, which was at around 7 or 8. I did end up falling asleep briefly at exactly the same time that Degrassi was on and I woke up when it was getting over. How convenient. I didn't do much that day besides enjoy having the house to myself for a few hours and watch Big Brother vids on YouTube. Megan called a few times during the day. She wanted me to talk to her and Isaac on the phone later.. But I fell asleep. But they called when I woke up. I finished the day with a shower and then went to bed.

Woke up on Saturday with the craziest hair ever. I really don't remember a whole  lot of excitement on that day. But if I do, I''ll put it down.

Then, on 4:20, I felt like playing some games I haven't played in a while on the 360. Sonic the Hedgehog, the new game, and MK: Armageddon. STH is definitely not the best Sonic game in any way whatsoever. But, I dunno, I think it's still worth playing. MKA pissed me off. I wanted to play with my kreated character on Live, but it wouldn't let me. I later found out that since I made the character while not being signed on to Xbox Live, I couldn't use him on there. Roar.

At 4:20 PM, me and my family sat outside and smoked. Lmao. Fun times.

I got tired around 9 pm. We all looked through the telescope at the moon, which was bright orange, Saturn, which you can see PERFECTLY, and a quasar. Then I fell asleep, forgetting to shut off my computer.

Today, Xbox Live was doing an upgrade and was gonna be down for 8 hours.. which I thought would be done at noon, but NOPE! It wasn't until 7 that I could go on.. but I hadn't been checking religiously til then. I also found a way to have my character on Live. I just made a new profile and reconstructed him. I thought each individual profile started off with nothing purchased (as in clothes, special moves, etc.) but instead, if you bought something on one profile, it's available on all. FUCK YES! So, I have to use a separate profile to use him, small price to pay.

Since I HATE having to recall a week or more of events when I update, I'm going to update about Thursday, April 17th - Friday, April 18th 12:00AM - 5:14AM, 2008 RIGHT NOW!!

Well, the most I can say is Xbox Live Halo 3 and sleeping addict = me. Yeah. I went to bed about 24 hours later than I woke up the day before. I figured at 5 am, that since I was gonna meet Gaby on Live in a few hours, no point in sleeping. I'd just be tired that way. We played for only about an hour and she had to leave. We need to practice our Team Doublez. :P And I spell it with a 'z' because this one guy with a really hot voice spelled it like that and it'll probably heighten my chances of getting into his pants if I spell things just like he does. Despite the fact that I haven't talked to him since I added him. Oh, sigh.

Anyway.. I've become Mr. Popularity on Live.. probably because I actually avidly use it now. I got two friend requests today and one person accepted one I sent. I feel bad though, 'cause this guy I added wanted to talk to me on private chat, but I never accepted. I jut don't know what we'd talk about. I'd feel awkward. Maybe another time. I just told him I lost my mic. Plus, I was playing in a game. I don't want him hearing my violent rants. Haha.

I was playing Swords and I was sucking bad in the beginning, got better, sucked again after that and I was getting really frustrated so I just lost it and started kicking everyone's asses. It was awesome. Someone caught up and surpassedme, but then I just kicked it into overdrive and won. I was PISSED though, 'cause after that, I switched games for Halo 2 and little did I know that that'd cause me to lose all my recent unsaved videos. So that brilliant victory is gone. =[ But, I still have a record of it at least.

My brother wanted me to play Halo 2 on Live with him. But I had to redownload a bunch of maps first, and it wasn't cooperating, so I just gave up and told him I'd play tomorrow.

Oh, and there was this douchebag on Oddball who called everyone a dumbass for killing him when he didn't have the ball. He said you only kill the person with the ball. Uhm, asshole, if that were true, you wouldn't show up in RED. You show up in green if you're not supposed to kill the person and you'd lose a point. That's the object of the game. Retard. Oh, and he was doing the same thing he was preaching against. Fuckass. God, I love the Theater feature.

My uncle is driving everyone crazy. I REALLY wish he could move back home. I do not like him staying here. Nobody does. He's being really ungrateful and he blames us for what happened. He doesn't realize how hard my parents fought to get him here and he acts like this? Have a little gratitude. We cold have not done anything and let him get sent to some awful nursing home.

My parents went to the dentist's office and I crashed. I woke up periodically, but slept until about 8 pm. I had some dinner and my stomach started hurting bad. It felt sick when I first woke up, actually. So, I went back to sleep until 11:30 or so.

I showed my family some of those Chenbot videos. XD Those are great. "But first.." And then we saw some video from the premiere of Big Brother 1. It's been so long since I saw BB1. Everything is so different. Better now, though. For sure. It looks so primitive compared to the way it is now.

I downloaded those maps and I played some rounds of H2 with my brother and his friend. I played solo twice before they joined me. It's so much harder than Halo 3. And Halo 2 looks so much more primitive than Halo 3. In one of the later games, I came across this guy from the second game I played on Halo 2 alone. He started talking shit to me, but I ignored him. I sucked at that game, but I beat his stupid ass. Punk ass bitch. I wanna meet up with him again and chew him out. I looked at his Service Record and he SUCKS. HAHA! Moron.

Anyway, that's all for me. I dunno how to go about today.. I slept for like a thousand hours yesterday. Meh... I hate my sleep patterns..

Don't remember a lot from Thursday. Other than that I played with Gaby on Live and Michael was voted off AI. I was so mad about that! Oh, and I had trouble with brushes. Blah.Also, dealing with sleeping problems sucks.

My sleep schedule continued to plague me on Friday. I was about to go to sleep but then I had a head explosion and couldn't go back to sleep. Then, it started thundering and lightning outside. So, I just stayed awake for a long time. I finally went to bed around 2:30 after talking to Megan a couple times, MySpacin' and Eccoin' and breakfastin'.

I had a provocative dream involving one of my friends. It ended up being a wet dream in a weird way. It was bizarre, but erotic. I haven't had one of those in a really long time. Like, since I was 14. Lmao. I know you thought that was TMI. OH WELL!!! Then, I woke up late while Degrassi was on. Not much else of interest that day.

Last Saturday was warm and windy, this Saturday started off cold and snowy. Ugh. We have the most fucked up weather in Wisconsin. By the time I woke up, most of the snow had melted. Thank god! That night, I just decided to play Halo 3 on Xbox Live. I'm glad I did. It was a lot of fun. And really, the first time I actually avidly played it. Usually I play it sporadically and for like an hour at a time. I played from midnight to 4 am. I'm REALLY immersed in it, now. I even encountered this little asshole kid who talked shit to me. Lmao. He must've been younger than 12. He kept calling me a "disease" because of my gamertag. Ha. Whatever. I kicked his scrawny little ass and told him off afterwards. Bet he didn't see that coming. Looking at the video of the match, he just pussed around most of the game and went into hiding after I killed him. HAHA!! LOSER!!

I don't recall much of Sunday.. moving on.. I went to sleep EARLY on Sunday night/Monday morning at about 2 am. Then, I woke up suddenly at 6 am. Couldn't get back to slleep, and I was wide awake anyway, so I stayed up. Monday was strange. I felt fine for the first few hours, continued playing more of Halo. Which I had been doing every day since Saturday night. My mom wanted me to help with yard work, which I would have done, but I started feeling dizzy and had a headache. I think it's from lack of sleep and that I was up for a while by then. Then, my mom got a call from my dad saying the hood on the car flew back and broke the windshield when him and my bro were on their way to work. My dad accidentally didn't close it right when they were at the gas station. They're both alright. No injuries. The windshield needs to be replaced. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. The hood is all bent up, too.

I went to sleep after they came back home and slept for 5 hours. 3-8. Longer than I expected to. I felt bad, because it was such a nice day outside and I missed out on it. I also feel bad for not helping my mom outside, but I felt sick. I had an odd dream, in it I was at my house with my family and some guy came home with my brother. He was like some sort of lawyer. While he was here, three helicopters crashed in our yard. It wasn't a HUGE deal for some reason. To my family, it kinda was a mere disturbance, but no one else in the neighborhood seemed to notice. The copters were kinda small, too. There were people camped out in the backyard and we went out and talked to them and found out they were the reason the crashes happened and apparently there were seven building explosions in the news, they were also behind them. The man who came to our house was also involved. It ended there. It was so strange. I played it in my head afterwards and added more to it. It'd make a cool story or video game or movie..

It was so cool in my room when I woke up, the window was open and it was windy and the fan was blowing. I'm lame. I'm a sucker for nice weather, though. My dad randomly bought a new car. I watched After Dark on ShoToo and kept watching after it was over. There was this movie on after it called Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, which was kinda disturbing in some parts. It basically emulated popular urban legends. One part, this girl gets bitten by a spider and wakes up the next morning to see the bite on her cheek, she pops it, then spiders crawl out of the popped bite like crazy. Like millions of them. Then she bashes her head against the mirror and spiders pour out of her head. It was really disgusting. I fucking HATE spiders. At leas they're only myths. I think I played more Halo after that or something.. can't remember. Then, this movie called The Roost was on when I came back.. I saw the end of it. It was weird.

Slept for only a few hours because I was gonna meet Gaby on Live and my mom wanted me to wake her up at 8:30 so she could take my uncle to his doctor's appointment. Gaby and I had so much fun as usual. This time we actually playe with others in Big Team Slayer and Team Doubles. I normally only play Slayer on Rumble Pit. It was cool to branch out for once, and it's not so bad doing those other games I thought I'd suck at and wouldn't ike. I had Java Monster, an eclair torte and popcorn for breakfast. Lmao. I had been playing in ranked matches since Sunday or Monday and getting my skill level up mainly in Lone Wolves, so I continued with that on Tuesday.. I'm doing good in there. I usually get 2nd place or higher. I wanna get more wins, though.. not just 2nd place all the time.

I met some cool new people, no bratty kids. I sent three of them messages. One of them in particular, I wanted a response from and I had sent him the message while he was offline, and I noticed later that he was online, but did not respond to me, so I was kinda bummed about that. I was feeling sick again later. I think it was from lack of sleep once again. I think I get emotionally and mentally distraught when I'm sleep deprived. I slept until American Idol was 15 minutes over and felt a lot better. Watched AI, then BB9. I'm pissed I missed some of AI. I was pissed at myself again for missing out on a gorgeous day. It was warm and windy.. REALLY windy outside. I LOVE weather like that. The night was still stellar, so I went out and jumped on my trampoline that night. The moon was pretty much full and illuminated the sky. Perfect.

I avoided a potentially bad situation that night when I scratched my Rihanna CD really bad. I was freaking pissed. I tried rubbing it away, but wouldn't dissipate. The CD skipped, too. BAH!! So, I borrowed the DVD resurfacer and THANKFULLY it's good as new. It plays just fine now. Phew. Thank god for DVD doctors.. I was afraid it wouldn't work. I can still see the scratches, but it works nonetheless. I also noticed on Xbox Live's website, that I got a message back from one of the guys I talked to on Halo today. That was cool.

Woke up at 1 today (Wednesday) and went outside and enjoyed the amazing weather. Jumped on the trampoline for a while. It was still warm and windy. About 70 degrees today!I just chilled today.. didn't go on Live yet today. I also took a break from my daily workouts for a bit. I need to get back into that. I can't quit NOW.

Actually, I did go on Live for a minute today. I noticed I had 3 new messages. One of them was a friend request from the one guy I really wanted to hear back from and the other was a message from the third guy I talked to, plus the one from last night. I was happy about that! Surprised, too, because I didn't think he'd respond at all if he didn't respond right away. That rarely happens to me on MySpace. So, I was pretty tickled about that. XD

BB9 pissed me off. I'm so angry that Natalie got evicted! GRR!

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

I see it everywhere. People bitching about teen pregnancy. I could suffer from an onslaught of dirty looks from people for having these opinions I'm about to lay down on the table now. But, come on, dirty looks are what I live for.

I just find it a crock. The world is in chaos right now. Wanna know why? Because instead of people fighting for a better world, they're fighting for irrelevant things such as oil, stopping homosexuality and preventing teen pregnancy. We have better things to worry about than if some high schoolers twist their tools and squeeze out a kid.

What exactly is so stigmatic about having a kid when you're a teenager? I don't get it. I mean, I get why it IS a stigma, but WHY? Sure, the parents lose their childhood and some freedom. That's true. But, why exactly does everyone else give a damn about it? It's their life, let them worry about it.

There are people out their protesting teen pregnancy as if it'll work. I find that to be a real asshole thing to do. Seriously, mind your own business. Plus, how would you like it if people were indirectly protesting your birth? These people are of course conceited bitches and like to believe their birth is probably the most righteous thing that happened to this planet, otherwise where would they be getting their high horse from?

Instead of preventing teen pregnancy, how about doing something worthwhile and prevent shitty bitch pregnancy. There are so many non-teen parents out their that deserve to have their kids taken away and never seen again and then spayed and neutered so they never get the chance to torment anymore children's lives. Rumor has it that because you're a teenager, you're incredibly irresponsible and will therefore be a horrible parent to your child. If that's true, then what's up with these "grown" people having kids and doing an atrocious job at raising their kids, beating them, killing them, etc?

I don't see no groups for people against parents who disown their kids for dumb reasons like being gay, doing drugs and TEEN PREGNANCY. Yet, there are those against teen pregnancy. There's something seriously screwed up with this picture. It's like we're teaching future generations that conditional love is okay. That it's okay to turn our backs on our kids if they do something they wouldn't have done on The fucking Brady Bunch.  So instead of having a responsible teen parent who will be kicked out of the house by her cunt parents, she'll wait and grow up to be like her parents before having kids and when her kid becomes pregnant at 15, out the door she'll go.

I have a lot of friends my age who had kids. Most of them are even younger than me. And they do a lot better job at raising their kids than some middle aged creeps. That just blows the whole "teens are not mature enough to have kids of their own" bullshit out of the water. There are mature parents in both age groups, just as there are immature parents in both age groups. It doesn't matter if you're 30 when you have a kid, you could still be some child molesting asshole, or just can't handle kids.

And then there's this whole load of crap about how teen parents are sluts. If I haven't stated this before, I'll do it now. You can have sex fucking ONCE and get preggers. If I recall, being a slut means you sleep around a lot. And having sex once =/= sleeping around a lot, which =/= being a slut. Then I hear people say it's not that that makes you a slut, it's irresponsible sex without protection that makes you one. Alright. Then that makes all your parents a bunch of big sluts and unless you become a sex-hating nun, you'll be a slut one day, too. Sound fair?

I got into an argument with someone about Jamie Lynn Spears being pregnant. This woman/ man/hermaphrodite/neither was DEAD SET on her opinion that JLS was too young to have sex and kept reiterating it over and over again as if JLS was her damn property. I told her, bitch, you are not her, therefore you don't get to make fucking decisions for her. It's her life, it's her body, she can do whatever the fuck she wants with it. Jamie Lynn Spears is the only person in the world who gets to decide when Jamie Lynn Spears has sex. She was 16 when she got knocked up and she's 17 now and people act like it's some big deal that she got pregnant. If you had as many friends as I did who had kids, you'd be like "What took her so long?" Just kidding. But seriously. There are TWELVE year old parents out there. There's fucking TWENTY FOUR year old grandparents. And people are making a big deal about a 17 year old parent? Get over it. Then people complain that she's a role model for young kids, that she needs to set a good example. I don't think she signed a contract with a heading of "KIDS ROLE MODEL" at the top. That, and the girl has the right to live her own life and she IS a fucking human being.

I know I'd be fucking annoyed if I was famous and I did something "unpure" and I get bitched at for making "unwise" decisions because I'm some role model for young kids. I'd be  like, I never fucking forced kids to idolize me. People like that need to realize that celebrities are NOT your babysitters. You are supposed to raise your own kids, not the famous people. They didn't sign up for that. Step up and take care of your own children. How ironic that people like that get mad at those "role models" for doing something like that and bitch at them because they think they won't make good parents. I'd say to them, if you wanna see a bad parent, look in the mirror

Unfortunately, the day after my amazing day on Saturday wasn't so spectacular. I don't remember when the day began for me, so whatever. While I was watching Big Brother, I noticed across the street, a dead cat. I thought for the longest time that it was just a pile of snow, but the snow has all melted. I went to go check and sure enough, it was my cat that disappeared around Christmastime. I was more angry than sad. I was kinda expecting him to be dead. He must have been like that for a long time, since I noticed him there weeks ago, but I thought he was a pile of snow. I can't even tell where his face is. Poor kitty. I fucking hate people who run over animals. I can understand if it were an accident or if you can't help it. But I know there are people who purposely run over animals, and I seriously hope those people get what's coming to them. Maybe I should hop into a car and "accidentally" hit those people. OOPS!

Then Strommen found my "hidden" MySpace. How the fuck did he find me? I used a false name when registering and I have a fake location. Any friend I have on my "school safe" MySpace that I'm also friends with on my "hidden" one is private, therefore he can't find me through them. Fucking freak. Whatever. I really don't give a shit. It just really annoys me.

Finally, I really hurt the teeth on the left side of my mouth. It may be because I don't brush my teeth as much that I should, or that I bit on something really hard and jarred my mouth. Well, it hurt while I was eating after I bit on something really hard earlier. I thought I chipped a tooth, but I checked and nothing looks any different. I took some ibuprofen and put a cold gel pack up to my cheek which only killed some of the pain. The next morning, I thought it had gone away completely, but my cheek still hurt. Kinda in the same way that my face hurts sometimes, but worse and longer. I numbed my cheek and kept using cold compresses which would only work for a short amount of time.

Tuesday morning, I played on Live with Gaby and I noticed my face didn't hurt at all until a little while into playing with her. We actually got to play more for once. It was fun as always. I was pretty popular that day, I was getting calls and stuff from everyone. A short time after that, the little pain that was still there was now gone and it hasn't come back since. THANK YOU! I'll brush more often. I need to take better care of myself.

Uck. It snowed again last night, but luckily it's gone now. I also caught up on LG15 again. I was expecting A LOT to be different now, since I hadn't paid attention to it since the season 2 finale at the end of January (same day I got XBox Live! :D) but there wasn't much different, still a cool show anyway.

Watching American Idol Gives Back and Big Brother 9. James is gone! And Idol Gives Back is pretty cool, too.

Let's just say that these past few days have been absolutely amazing. It is a relief to finally be able to say that without sarcasm. All I have to say is thank you to whoever got me out of that depression mess.

Now, to elaborate; I'll start with Thursday night / Friday morning. I was watching Hostel on Showtime when I was considering going on Xbox Live to surprise my brother since I kinda have been avoiding it and have turned down all his requests for me to join him and his friends on there to play. I decided to return to Xbox Live and played Halo 3 with my brother and his friend, Chazz. I had a lot of fun! I'm getting back into the swing of it all and I don't give a shit what people say anymore. I won't let it ruin my fun. We played for a few hours. I had signal trouble at first, but it went away for the most part after a while.

The Heroic Map set is now free. I'm stoked. That was the original intention for buying those MPs a few months ago, but instead I bought Street Fighter II HF and Ecco the Dolphin instead. I didn't have enough points after that to buy it. Now it's free! Good things come to those who wait after all. I couldn't download it at the time, but I planned to later. After they signed off, I played FEAR, where I broke down more walls. I used to be shy on the mic and wouldn't talk to people I didn't know even if they talked to me first, I wouldn't even have the headset connected much of the time. Sometimes I'd have it connected, but muted. But this time I talked! It seems lame, but I think it's cool. It was great. I made some new friends. The first guy I talked to was British and had a thick accent. XD It was kinda hard to understand him sometimes, but it was all good.

Slept until 2, but woke up a few times before and thought it was like 7 at night, but it was only noon so I went back to bed. Haha. I wanted to watch the Degrassi Spring Break Movie. It was good.. but, it really wasn't a movie. It was just an hour long special. Movies, even made for TV movies are usually an hour and a half long without commercials. With commercials, 2 hours. Whatever. It was still good. Can't wait for new episodes next week.

I watched the videos of the games I played on Halo 3 the night before. Haha. Fun times. Took a bunch of screenshots, too.

I met this guy named Josh on MySpace on Tuesday the same way I met pretty much everyone else. But what wasn't the same was that he actually talks back to me unlike many other people! We messaged each other back and forth over the past few days. We talked about our lives, backgrounds, interests, being gay. XD All that. He added me on MSN and Yahoo last night/yesterday morning. We talked more about whatever. It's great getting to know him. He's such a great guy and he's only a year younger than me. One problem, he's taken. But you know, I'm more than happy to be friends with him.

Yesterday was such an incredible day. It was so fucking nice outside. The nicest day of the year so far. Warm, sunny and windy. The perfect trio. The night before, I asked my dad to fix my fan 'cause it's always so stuffy and warm in my room. He told me he was just gonna buy me a new one, which was really generous of him. My parents went up to my uncle's house while I was asleep, then came back and let me know they were going to town and I had to watch over the house. When they left I went outside and jumped on the tramp named Oline, which is just fine despite being outside for the duration of the long, cold winter. Surprising! I spent a lot of time outside and I felt so much better than I had all week... all month.. ALL YEAR! Being cooped up in my room during the winter sucks. What else am I to do, though? The fresh air and activity revitalized me.

When my parents came home, I ate and I talked to Josh and watched TV. Which is pretty much what I was doing before they came home, minus the eating. My new fan is slightly different than my old one, unfortunately. But it is new and it works great. It feels so nice to have a new, working fan. I hope it lasts a while. Especially knowing the way the summer is here..

Later, my parents, brother and I all played frisbee in the dark with this old '80s light up frisbee my mom won on eBay. It's not bad spending time with the family and I had fun. XD I was gonna go on my webcam but I got a headache. Bah. I didn't feel like it anymore. Talked to a million people for the rest of the night. On the phone, online and texting (online).

I just got added by this guy named Adrian and for once, soomeone who added me is cute!

Well, I'm gonna go to bed now since it's bright outside. Nyeh. Goodnight.. or morning, all! I'll keep you updated on my fabulous days to come!

Hey everybody. It's me, Chris, your undiagnosed insane blogger!

Before I get into Tuesday, there's something I forgot to mention that happened on Sunday night. While I was watching Big Brother 9, a firetruck went past my house. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary. Not until the fifth one in a row passed by and I realized it had to be some big fire or incident for that. They were going in the direction of  the town I lived, so I thought it was just further in the city, so I ran out to check what was going on. Turns out the problem wasn't in the city, it was at my new neighbor's house.

The firetrucks went down the lane leading to the house. I couldn't see any fire or smoke whatsoever. After I went outside, about three more firetrucks came through, plus some police cars and ambulances. We were all outside and there was such a commotion, cars were stopping and slowing down to see what happened. We couldn't tell. The house was too far away. The ambulance took somebody away, I'm sure. I got some pictures. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes to clear up. It was crazy.  I hope no one was seriously hurt or worse..

To this day, I don't know what happened. It wasn't on the news and wasn't in the paper. The local papers come out on Friday and Saturday, so we'll see if it's on there.

Anyway, Tuesday was kinda.. shitty. I had a rough time getting to sleep. I fell asleep at midnight and only slept for four hours. Then, I couldn't get back to sleep until around 8 and by that time, it was so bright in my room from the sunlight. Needless to say, going to sleep wasn't going to be easy. I woke up a few hours later, and it was one of those times where it felt like I never fell asleep at all. Like I dozed off without myself noticing. I was crushed up against my headboard and my right arm was underneath me and was numb and cold, which along with my abrupt waking up from a not-feeling-like-sleep sleep freaked me out and I felt so disoriented for some reason. It was so fucked up.

I fell back asleep and I had a terrible nightmare. My house was invaded by these bad people and apparently there was a maze in my basement with other random good people in there. Well, I had a radar for some reason, so I could see them all running around down there. Then I see red dots which indicated bombs. The bombs were from the bad guys and they were killing the good guys with them.

Suddenly, I'm in the laundry room with one of the bad guys and I fall for a trap and I release a bomb switch, which looked like a window blinds pull thing caught on the laundry chute. The bad guy told me a bomb would go off in a certain amount of time. I guess I fell asleep during the dream and dreamt that I reversed time and didn't release the switch. But then I woke up and there was ony 60 seconds left to get out of the house before it would blow up. I got everyone out of the house, and run out myself. The sky looked like it was on fire and I aw a bus go by. Buses ALWAYS appear in my dreams. It was as if it were the time I usually wait for a bus to go to school. My mom and dad come outside soon, too. (Where are my brother and my uncle?) As time runs out, a fighter jet flies up directly above my house and I realize  that it wasn't a timer for a bomb in my house, it was a timer for an air raid. The jer started firing missiles down on my house, but then bullets from some unknown source (I didn't bother looking behind me) shot all the missiles down before they reached my house.

That's it. I like to think maybe it signifies something bad trying to get to me and my family, but fate won't let it happen.

HOW AWESOME WAS BB9!? Hahaha. So long, Joshuah. Now James needs to get the fuck OUT OF THERE.

I tried going to sleep early again last night. Failed. Stayed up on MySpace and talked to friends. Mostly new ones! I even talked to that freak, Dev on Yahoo. Fun, fun. Listened to random voice messages on Snapvine. I was pretty happy 'cause I found some things to block the sunlight out of my room while I'm trying to sleep. Yay for dark rooms! Gaby and I went on Xbox Live and played for a while. It was a lot of fun as always!

After that, I talked to Megan who got SUSPENDED and Drew who likes to steal clothes from people who are wearing them. Then I went to bed. I was sooo tired. Slept until about 6 and now here I am. Done and done.

Did I mention today is my half birthday? Six months to 20!

Alright. Here we go again. TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN MY BORING LIFE!! For the last time on here!

Let's see.. I left off on Easter. Both of my video games are awesome. If I hadn't stated that already. Thank god, too. I was worried they wouldn't be good, knowing my luck..

I still have been kinda paranoid about my health. But I know there's nothing wrong with me, so I just need to convince myself that. I am getting better though, feeling better physically and mentally.

Unfortunately, my sleep schedule keeps getting later and later and because my bed isn't the most comfortable bed ever, I keep waking up with a bad headache and neck pain. Blah.

Well, I'm officially announcing that I am over Richard. I know, I know. It's a huge shock. I bet a lot of you don't even know who I'm talking about, though. Haha. Thanks to GJ going down.  For me, the only thing that can break a crush is another man. But, since I haven't seen Richard in nearly a year, I suppose that'll do it, too.

Now, I'm searching for new guys. I've been making, or attempting to make new friends on MySpace. Hopefully t all works out.

I've been having some vivid dreams again. In one of them, I was in the Big Brother house again. I dunno if I talked about the other one I had a while ago. Anyway, in this one I was in the HOH room and I was stupefied because I was actually in the BB house and I was on TV. It was  a surreal feeling and above all, I was the first HOH of the season. It was pretty cool. XD

One night I had three dreams, the first one I was back in the trailer and there was some homophobe man sitting at the kitchen table antagonizing me and bossing me around and no one in my family would do anything about it, so I got a shotgun and killed him. The next one was interesting, I was at the trailer again and we were being attacked by really fat, evil pigeons. So, me and Kah ran to a truck and we started being attacked, so Kah used her powers to "purify" the truck, which meant making it spin in the air like a tornado to get rid of them. LMAO. So random. The last one I barely remember, I was at my current house and it had to do with my family sitting at the table and my parakeet. That's all I remember.

Brenda, Moriah and I also prank called people on Saturday. Good times for sure! XD

Today was the best day I had in a long time. I woke up early and played on Xbox Live with Gaby and we talked on there. It's been a while since we did that. It was a lot of fun! After that, I listened to music and found a great guy and just chilled out. It was great. I only had four hours of sleep, so I went back to bed after that for a few hours. The weather is amazing. It was supposed to snow, but it didn't.  Woke up, watched American Idol and Big Brother and that special about how you can live to be 150 years old. Yes, it was most definitely a good start to April. Besides having a headache.

New music on MySpace and YouTube videos have been keeping me happy. Yay broadband! I've been way more active on MySpace, too. It really is a lot of fun and I'm also introducing my friends to each other. I love doing that, and I love meeting new friends.



So, this is it, folks. I'm leaving IJ and LJ.. blogging is just becoming too much of a hassle. I just want to live and not have to worry about documenting it. If you want to stay in contact with me, check my userinfo page. Bye!














Gotcha. APRIL FOOLS!!

Hmmm. I just don't get people I suppose.

I know a lot of people in the world hate celebs like Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and some others that I really can't think of right now. But.. I don't. I don't hate ANY famous people. I can't think of any at all. Is it weird for me to say I don't hate anyone unless given a reason? Unless someone personally pisses me off or screws me over, I won't hate them.

Now you'll ask me, "You say you don't hate famous people, yet you hate the president!" The answer for that is simple: the president is NOT famous. The president is INfamous. He is not a celebrity. He is a sham. The president has personally screwed me over and the rest of the country. Because of him, my dad and brother both lost their jobs and we're pretty much living paycheck to paycheck now. They, of course got new jobs but aren't getting paid nearly enough as they were with their original job from before 2004.

Because of him, gays don't have the right to get married. And while I've said I never want to get married and that still holds true, I want my people to have the OPTION to get married if they please. If one day I decide I want to get married (doubtful..) I would like to have that option as well.

And that is why I hate bush.

Britney Spears never took my dad and brother's jobs away from them. Paris Hilton never said gays couldn't get married. So why should I hate them? I'm not going to hate a famous person or ANY person just because they do drugs, get pregnant or are constantly in the media.

Britney and Christina were very heavily scrutinized when their "transitional" records came out, both being deemed "slutty" by the world. Now, what exactly was so slutty? You're not a slut until you've actually been sleeping around. I'm sure there were stories but none of us will truly know now will we? But even so, it's their right and who are we to judge? It's kinda like calling a pregnant girl (usually a teen) a slut just because she's pregnant. Here's a fun fact: you can become pregnant the VERY FIRST time you have sex! I know we all thought it took 70 fucks to get a baby but only takes as little as ONE! Actually, maybe even less than one if you climb into a hot tub some horny man just got out of (or off in). Using this logic, every single person's parents are sluts. Anyway, I digress. People hated them because they became "sluts". Who CARES if they "did"?

I just DON'T get it. Whatever. I know I'm better off hating the shitty people of the world and not random people just because they're famous.

Happy Easter, everyone!

I've been having a great Easter. My parents went all out this year. I really wasn't expecting much but they got me Mass Effect and Assassin's Creed for the 360 as well as three Halo 3 replicas and a basket of candy. They got my brother some movies and some candy as well. It's awesome. So far I've only played Mass Effect, which is way cool. I was afraid I wouldn't like it. The same goes for any new game I haven't played before.

That kept me pretty occupied all day. Before that, though, I was watching Zoey 101. Lmao. There was nothing else on. And dare I say it,  I actually like it. I suppose sometimes if I just sit and watch a show, the show turns out to be alright.

The weather was all over the place today. It was cloudy, then it snowed, then it was sunny, then it was snowy while it was cloudy and sunny. It was blowing all around. It was pretty cool. Looked like dandruff flying  in the wind. Then it cleared up totally and it's still clear but it's dark out now.

Then I had dinner with my family, including my uncle. Usually my brother and I run food up to my uncle after holiday dinners, that's not the case this year.

I hope you all had a great Easter as well!

Alright, for those of  you who don't already know, last Wednesday was court again and... we won! I was ecstatic. All the guardianship was returned to us. My uncle is currently living here and some bitch has to check up on us each month but we could hopefully end that soon. The only reason he can't stay at his old place is because he needs a new trailer and he was deemed "incompetent" by his bastard backstabbing doctor. So, to counter that, we can get him another doctor.

I hate that i no longer have the guest bedroom haven to retreat to... but I'm glad we won and that my uncle is safe and here with us.
Drew came back on Friday, so we've been hanging out a lot. It's good to finally hang out with other people. My social life is non existent. That's no secret. He let me borrow Supernatural seasons 1 and 2 and I borrowed him seasons 2-4 of The OC. I barely got through half of the first season. Too much has happened this week and it deterred me from watching it. I started it on Tuesday.

Which is the same day I went on an Avril trip and started downloading most of "Let Go." That album's really good. I like a lot of her old stuff. She needs to return to that. I didn't mind "The Best Damn Thing" but it could've been way better. Tuesday is when my mom got the call from Julie (uncle's lawyer..) about how she anticipated how the trial would go.. she said it'd go well and it DID. As you already know. :D

I am PISSED that Matty got voted out of BB9 on Wednesday! I want James OUT. People like him really rattle my chains. Going off about how you stick to your word and then going back on it. You make yourself look incredibly retarded there. Backstabbing is more appreciated than hypocrisy in my book. Plus he acts like he's some valiant hero out to rid the BB house of evildoers.. aka people who lied to his face and didn't vote him back in. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth. Just be thankful you got back into the house. He acts like it's a crime for people to lie to him, yet he can do it to everyone else. Bah. It annoys me something fierce. James should be GONE. Matty should be IN. End of story.

On Thursday, not much happened. I randomly stumbled upon this parody of The OC called "The emOC." It was absolutely hysterical. It was so damn spot on which made it that much funnier. Then I hung out with my cousin and his friend and faced car trouble upon coming back. That was fun. This past week, my internet randomly stopped working at night. It's bullshit. Drew gave me one of his old computers. I just need to find a power socket for it.

All I did on Friday was obsess over South of Nowhere. SO PISSED THAT IT'S ENDING!

Today, some guy from AT&T was gonna come and fix the internet. I was expecting him to be here at like 8.. But what they meant was he was gonna be here any time from 8 to 5. My parents went Easter shopping and the dude showed up and stayed for a while, fixed the internet.. apparently it was interference and did something to somehow allow us to attain our upgrade from 1.5 MB to 3 MB today instead of Monday. It was originally supposed to happen between Wed and Fri, but that didn't happen. I didn't notice much of a difference and I didn't even have a signal most of the time, then my brother checked it out and said it was because the antennae is surrounded by cords and noted that my computer is fucking FULL of dust, so I unhooked everything and took my computer downstairs and we vacuumed it and cleaned it. Then I brought it back up and noticed a difference. I cleaned my room finally, too. I randomly decided to watch a playthrough of Night Trap. Good times.

My parents got home and then I ate and did things for Easter, cleaning, coloring eggs, etc. At this time, I'm juggling a million things. Lots of people called me and shit. I started to watch SNL, which was pretty great with the period pill commercial. Lmfao. But then I had to do other things and missed the rest of it. I taped it, though. I also saw part of MadTV with the Halo 3 spoof. XD

Man, this entry is taking way too long to finish. Alright. Happy Easter, everyone!

One more rant and I promise to update you all on my life.

Dear The N,

First off, I have to say thank you for being my home network for four years. I finally got satellite in 2003 and was able to watch your network. But after those four or so years, all that LSD you were taking apparently melted your brain completely and your network took a nose dive to hell.

What's up? You were starting to come into your own. Started to become your own network. Sure, it was pretty cool when you just had Degrassi to call your own.. kinda.. and a bunch of other random shows, but when you started having your own original shows, it was pretty awesome. You started to grow up. The network for tweens became the network for TEENS. The kids stuff went away.

Now it's like we're going back to square one but not really. The first square one was a lot more righteous than this. What happened to all the good shows you used to play? Sometimes I can't tell if I tuned to The N or Nickelodeon. I get that Nickelodeon owns you and that old school Nick shows are the fucking shit. But you don't play old school Nick shows. Naked Brothers Band is not an old school Nick show.. it's not even a teen show! The characters are like 10. And all these Nick shows you're playing can be seen on Nickelodeon RIGHT NOW.

I'm still wondering what happened to all the shows you promised us. Where's Instant Star? Beyond the Break? What happened to that one show, "What Goes On"? Why hasn't that been aired yet? Why did you cancel The Best Years? Why are you cancelling South of Nowhere? I'd like to know why 99% of the time, you change projected and advertised airdates? There really is no reason for you to change it, I mean those shows are all filmed and completed long before you made that little commercial. You never did air anything more important in that timeslot. So what the hell?

I don't recall ANY show on The N lasting more than four seasons. If a show lasted to see its fourth season, it would be considered extremely lucky. The only show I was happy to see go was Whistler and that show is still going on in Canada. I don't really care.

South of Nowhere is probably the most crucial show on The N. Even more than Degrassi. Now let's get into Degrassi. I like Degrassi but not nearly as much as I used to. Quite honestly, and I RARELY SAY THIS, but Degrassi is overstaying its welcome. They are running out of ideas. Come on, a t-shirt business? Yes, the 7th season is better than the 6th, but still. Maybe if they improved, I wouldn't be saying the same thing as I am now. After Degrassi is done, what the fuck is The N gonna do? I'm extremely curious to see.

Recently I just learned that The N is pushing back South of Nowhere's season 3B premiere date to October. OCTOBER? Okay. Season 3A premiered in August. Might I add, that that season also premiered later than originally announced, too. But only by a week or so. 3A ended sometime in September. Now.. waiting 'til fucking APRIL is long enough. That's seven months later. Now they're saying OCTOBER? Over a year after season three first started.

First What Goes On gets knocked off before it even has the chance to premiere and it apparently has gay people in it, now South of Nowhere gets the boot. Does anyone else see a pattern here? I'm not trying to say The N is homophobic and I'm not one of those people who looks for any reason to accuse someone of being a homophobe.
The N just fails at life.

Forgive me for sounding brash.

But if one more homely homo hits on me on MySpace, I'm going to scream.

I'm really frustrated with the fact that I have to break my neck trying to get a hot guy just to look at me even once. And the hot guys that do flock to me end up being unstable in more ways than one. I have to beat off the unattractive and psychotic guys with a stick.

This man wants the full package.

If you're ugly but nice, sorry, I don't care if YOU THINK I sound like a shallow jerk (which I'm not). I'm happy to be friends with you. Nothing more. If you're hot but an asshole. You may be good for a fuck. No strings attached. Or just eye candy. Which can be savored any way I want.

I'd like to believe I'm a good looking, sane, nice guy. Why the fuck aren't the amazing men flocking to me? I'm way nicer and more open minded than most of the dicks that get everyone. Most people judge and look down on you for doing some reprehensible act. Me? I don't care.

Does this mean I have to tone things down? For some reason my personality is raising red flags and fending off the guys I want. I'm not ready to cheapen myself to get guys. But I'd rather do that than settle for some "nice" guy who I'm not attracted to AT ALL or become a male spinster.

After overcoming the spell of that one guy and his supposed ideal clique, I felt that I had come into my own and was finally comfortable with myself and would be the way I felt I needed to be from now on. I wouldn't change myself to be friends with someone or to be with anyone.

But after writing all this I guess I'm no different than I was back then. I'm still willing to change or at least hide myself just to gain attention from someone I want. It's like the long road I traveled was for nothing. Maybe I am a fake.

Things have been looking up in my life lately. I really hope that holds true. I've returned to the world of Xbox Live. It's actually helping me feel better.

Today's my mom's birthday! I was gonna go with her to get my negatives from my senior picture shoot, then to visit my uncle, and to my aunt's but I was feeling sick. She just went with my dad. I couldn't get her much for her birthday, so I was just extra nice to her and made her a card. :D My mom wanted to have Pizza Hut for dinner, so my brother and I went and picked it up.

I know, nothing much has been going on in life. I'll update more later!