Woven Cognition

This is just a forewarning that this is a pretty heavy entry and I lose my cool probably more than a dozen times, so if you don't like serious topics or the typed out version of me screaming angrily, you best avoid this entry.

My day started off well and by "started off," you'd think I meant that the first few hours were good but what I really mean is that only the first few minutes were decent. I woke up from a rather hot dream that I don't feel like talking about right now.

Well, a few minutes after I woke up, my mom and brother come in the driveway. I found it odd that my brother wasn't at work. I go downstairs and my mom is on the phone and my dad is also home. Strange. I thought maybe they took a random vacation day. A few minutes later, my mom comes to my room and tells me that my uncle was taken to the fucking mental health institute. WHAT. THE. FUCK?

This is most likely going to become a long entry. So if you don't give a shit, then I don't blame you, do something productive with your free time. Anyway. I remember the last time I was at my uncle's house, I heard about my neighbors being benevolent and bringing my uncle water and food or whatever. That had me feeling a bit skittish.

Let's backtrack a bit. My uncle lives in a trailer a few miles away. He's elderly and diabetic and he lives by himself. Everyone in my family goes up there periodically to bring him food, take care of the cats, refill his syringes, check up on him, making sure he's alright. My brother and dad often go shopping for him after work, and my mom does often as well. We go up there and bring him some dinner during the holidays. We go up there as often as every other day, and at least once a week. We call him and check up on him and we take really good care of him. He doesn't mind being alone, and he's not alone all the time as I have just pointed out.

As for me feeling suspicious about the neighbors being helpful? Well, it was around 14-16 years ago, I was about 4 or 5, we had a huge family of Samoyeds when we lived there. My mom absolutely adored this one she named "Blue," who was born with heterochromea, which meant he had one brown eye and one bright blue eye. I remember that dog so well. A few months later, my dogs kept getting picked off one by one. Someone was poisoning them. One night, Blue was found dead by my house and my mom flipped out. She was so upset. We called the police and had an investigation. They did an autopsy, but found nothing. My parents were absolutely certain it was the neighbors. We couldn't nab them because of lack of fucking evidence. I can't believe some fucker could be so horrendously twisted to do such a thing. We think it happened because the dogs sometimes ran out of the yard and into others' yards and barked at night. The poisonings happened in two waves. But the way our neighbors talked, we knew it was them.

My mom told me that those neighbors who had previously poisoned the dogs 14-16 years ago, and who was being so nice to my uncle, had been up there and found out there was no water and that the place was in shambles and called the fucking health department. The cops were there and they hauled him away in a cruiser. MY FUCKING GOD!! I can't fucking believe those cocksucking ASSHOLES! I can't even imagine what my uncle was thinking. He's not always in the right state of mind, he probably thought he was being arrested for something. He's now being held in a goddamn mental facility. A FUCKING NUT HOUSE. FOR WHAT!? HE'S NOT FUCKING INSANE!!

My brother and dad missed work because they were going to try and get him out, they told them that he's being held there for 72 hours and he's not allowed any contact with us. BULL FUCKING SHIT!

Do you wanna know how we found out about this? No proper authority came to our house and notified us about it. No. My uncle's neighbors (not the bad ones, these ones are helping us out..) came and tried to tell us. My mom didn't answer 'cause she had no idea who it was, but she saw who it was as they were leaving, so she thought something happened to my uncle. My brother and mom went up there to check and he was gone. One of the jerks who were up there left a note on the table. They went to the good neighbor's house and he told them what had happened. When they got home, my dad called the number on the note and found out more from them.

If they hadn't gone up there, we wouldn't even know that he had been taken away. I fucking hate those assholes. I'm so sure they believe they were "doing the right thing," too. That is what they'll say when they're confronted. They're the most malevolent sons of bitches. Fucking assholes. They've been wanting to rent land from my uncle, my mom tells me, and since it was rented out, they got pissed off and this is probably they're way of getting back at us. Now that my uncle's out of the way and he might have to move, they think they can have that land. FUCK THAT SHIT!!

This brings me to my next thing; the health people are probably going to condemn the place, meaning he'll no longer get to live there. So either he lives with us, or he'll have to go to a nursing home. We'd never let him go to a nursing home where he'd be mistreated and they'd suck his money dry and force us to lose the land. They also won't let him put a new trailer on the land because it's against some fucked up ordinance. SINCE WHEN IS IT ANYONE'S MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS WHAT ANYONE ELSE PUTS ON THEIR LAND!?

This means that we'll probably lose the trailer either way. I don't care if the place is a fucking dump. I fucking grew up there. It's where I spent the first eight years of my life. Every motherfucking time I go up there I'm caught up in memories and now it's all going to be lost because some STUPID FUCKING CUNT CAN'T MIND THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Who do they think they are trespassing onto property that they have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT being on in the first place and fucking tattling to the authorities about it!?

Later, my mom called my aunt and talked to her about it, my aunt then called the sheriff's department to get answers. She found out that he's literally in a mental institution, in non-PC terms: a crazy house. HE DOESN'T BELONG THERE!! She also got info from a cop that he's not the reason he's in there. He's in there because of a "complaint" and because the house is "unlivable." First of all, WHO THE HELL ARE THOSE ASS BACKWARDS COCKSUCKING NEIGHBORS TO FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S LIVING CONDITIONS!? IT'S NOT DETRIMENTAL TO THEM!! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS! HE DOESN'T MIND LIVING THAT WAY! LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE! My mom has power of attorney or something like that that is supposed to override their ban on us communicating with him, but apparently that doesn't matter. Uhm. WHAT!?

On the plus side, if they want to accuse us of abusing us or neglecting him, we have more than enough people who can testify that we in fact have taken good care of him. Everything was just fine, just fucking fine, and these dirty pricks come in and stir up trouble. And that is EXACTLY what they were trying to do. If they were really trying to help, they would have come to US.

I keep saying we should nail them on the counts of TRESPASSING. They have NO RIGHT to be there whatsofuckingever. My uncle is 82 years old and he has lived there his whole life and they have the nerve to just rip him out of there and haul him off in a patrol car like he's some criminal? WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING!? THAT'S FUCKING WRONG. You don't do that to an old man. He has no fucking idea what they're doing. You don't force him out of his home when he's lived there all those years and he's that old. Just let him be and let him live where the fuck he wants.

More than a few times today I was taken back to when my dogs were poisoned and died all those years ago. It was fucking horrible. And the worst part is, those bastards got away with it. I remember one time I'd come across another dead dog. His eyes were open and he looked like he was fucking alive. I'll never forget that. It makes me sick and livid at the same time.

My uncle has 12+ cats up there and I'm worried about their safety. Those shitheads better leave those cats alone. If one is dead, missing, or if so much as a hair is missing from one of them, I will hold them responsible and I will go after them myself. I was especially worried after remembering what they had done to my dogs.

I am so fucking sick of one thing after another happening to my family, and all of it being bad, NEVER GOOD. Those fucking assholes. How dare they do that. I hope the ABSOLUTE WORSE POSSIBLE THING befalls those people. I would not shed a single tear, lose any sleep or feel so much as a twinge of remorse. I am sick to my stomach of horrible human beings getting away with doing shitty things to people who don't deserve it. I am begging the universe to PLEASE GIVE THESE WORTHLESS CUNTS WHAT THEY DESERVE!! Please let justice be served! Make them feel the pain and trouble they've caused us and probably other people. What the fuck did we do to them or anyone to deserve this bullshit? I hope they suffer for what they've done. And I don't give a rat's ass if that makes me a cruel person. I want justice. I'm not cruel, they are. AND SO HELP ME GOD if I EVER get the chance to get payback on them, I WILL TAKE IT and I WILL make them the sorriest sons of bitches in the fucking world.

I am not one to ever wish anything this bad on anyone but this is serious. What they did is twisted, sick, unforgivable, dispicable and full of contempt.

I'm probably forgetting some details.. but if I remember I'll post them up on this entry. If you read all of this.. thank you.

This video makes me sick.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6alOnuN-wCY

What the fuck? I found it on a news article on a website. I can't stand the fact that people act this way. It makes me really wish I wasn't gay. I do have pride in my sexuality but honestly, with shit like that happening who doesn't wish they weren't gay? It's one of the major reasons I'm afraid to be out. I feel that I must hide my true self and make up lies all the time. I fucking hate it.

There are people commenting under the article. One person says it's "the norm" for that to happen, and it's "just another day on Xbox Live." Uhm.. yeah, right. The norm? FUCK THAT. THAT SHIT SHOULDN'T BE HAPPENING. One person said the guy with the name "asked for it," and that sexuality has no place in online gaming. I'm sorry, but if the dude feels the need to have his screen name reflect his sexuality, then that's his business and his right. The guy mentioned also says that it's "shallow to choose a screen name that represents only one aspect of yourself," I think this guy DOESN'T GET that it's an online gaming community, not a gamertag fashion show. People make gamertags based off of whatever the hell they want. One part of me slightly agrees that by having that name, he asked for it. But he's obviously very proud of who he is and doesn't want to hide it. And he definitely shouldn't feel the need to deny himself the name he wants just because of immature retards online. Also, I read that NOT ALL the insults said in the video are actually meant to be hurtful. Also, they come up with things like, "Well, it's to be expected when you play those games that normally teenagers are playing." or "Usually white men in their 20s are racist and homophobic." Uhm, EXCUSE ME? I'm a white man pretty much in my 20s and I'm not a bigot of any kind. And by the way, when they say shit like that, they're only introducing more stereotypes to the mix and promoting narrow mindedness, thus setting us even further back.

Now, I didn't put this up here to give a bad name to the community I'm now part of. Xbox Live is fantastic! Assholes are EVERYWHERE. Contrary to what many of the commentators on that site believe. By the way, I'm having fun on Live! I'm getting used to it. I'm hesitant to use the mic. Lame, I know. I'm just self conscious. And I'm not much of a talker with people I don't know. And during competitions, I'm either silent or yelling like in idiot either in happiness or anger. Lmao. I can't really carry on a random normal conversation and still concentrate on racing in Burnout Revenge like some of these people can. But I'm still a newbie. I'm still hoping I can improve... A LOT!

As per usual in Topherdom, something from the past catches my eye or I'm inadvertently led down a path which leads me to rediscover a gem from long ago. While I was finding Street Fighter II music on YouTube, I found some music from Tekken 3 from the same dude. MEMORIES!! I got all caught up and tried to find all my favorite music from all the Tekken games! Of course, other songs too. I know for sure that I spend more time gamewise in retrospect. I really need to play more Xbox Live! But damn, I don't have a whole lot of games that can utilize Live! Not many that a whole lot of other people play anymore anyway. Guess I'll have to go shopping when I have the chance!

Full article, by the way.

Think I'll send that guy a friend request! :P

Here's a concept I don't understand: denying new friends.

Okay, well it might be just in my nature but I'm one to accept any and all new friends. This goes for LiveJournal, Xbox Live, and especially MySpace. I'm always looking forward to meeting new people. Even if the person is completely unattractive, has nothing in common with me, etc, I'll STILL add them out of courtesy. To me, it's just good manners to do so and it's like an unwritten rule. Kind of like tipping the waiter or the guy who delivers your food. You may not want to, but you do it anyway because you don't want to look like an asshole.

To me, that's what they look like. Assholes. I'll add anybody, even if I would really rather not. It's not like it'll hurt me in any way. No - I won't add someone who is obviously a spam bot. I'm generous, not stupid. Even if we end up not having anything in common, it's not like we're forced to talk to each other. It's just common courtesy to me.

If you deny someone, then well I guess you miss out on having new friends. It's like you're saying you don't want friends. Alright, whatever. People say things like "Don't take it so personally," but how else am I supposed to take it? You're saying, "I don't want to be friends with you," how would you feel if that happened to you? What am I to imagine went through your head when you hit "Decline"? Well, whatever. It's a concept I will never understand.

Cease bitching.

I have lived my entire life having people show disdain for me and who I really am, and people acting like I should be ashamed for who I am and thus believing that I should and subsequently hiding myself and becoming this fake person.

Now, I realize that I've been doing this for far too long and I am sick of hiding myself. I'm not ashamed of being myself and showing it. I'm not afraid to show my imperfections and my mistakes. I don't even consider most things that "normal" people would consider mistakes, really as mistakes.

And by "mistakes," I mean what the consensus defines as a mistake. Not like, knocking over a vase. I mean, maybe something that proves you're not some innocent prude who does crazy things sometimes. Really, who's to decide what's a mistake and what isn't?