Woven Cognition

Forgive me for sounding brash.

But if one more homely homo hits on me on MySpace, I'm going to scream.

I'm really frustrated with the fact that I have to break my neck trying to get a hot guy just to look at me even once. And the hot guys that do flock to me end up being unstable in more ways than one. I have to beat off the unattractive and psychotic guys with a stick.

This man wants the full package.

If you're ugly but nice, sorry, I don't care if YOU THINK I sound like a shallow jerk (which I'm not). I'm happy to be friends with you. Nothing more. If you're hot but an asshole. You may be good for a fuck. No strings attached. Or just eye candy. Which can be savored any way I want.

I'd like to believe I'm a good looking, sane, nice guy. Why the fuck aren't the amazing men flocking to me? I'm way nicer and more open minded than most of the dicks that get everyone. Most people judge and look down on you for doing some reprehensible act. Me? I don't care.

Does this mean I have to tone things down? For some reason my personality is raising red flags and fending off the guys I want. I'm not ready to cheapen myself to get guys. But I'd rather do that than settle for some "nice" guy who I'm not attracted to AT ALL or become a male spinster.

After overcoming the spell of that one guy and his supposed ideal clique, I felt that I had come into my own and was finally comfortable with myself and would be the way I felt I needed to be from now on. I wouldn't change myself to be friends with someone or to be with anyone.

But after writing all this I guess I'm no different than I was back then. I'm still willing to change or at least hide myself just to gain attention from someone I want. It's like the long road I traveled was for nothing. Maybe I am a fake.