Woven Cognition

Hey everybody. It's me, Chris, your undiagnosed insane blogger!

Before I get into Tuesday, there's something I forgot to mention that happened on Sunday night. While I was watching Big Brother 9, a firetruck went past my house. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary. Not until the fifth one in a row passed by and I realized it had to be some big fire or incident for that. They were going in the direction of  the town I lived, so I thought it was just further in the city, so I ran out to check what was going on. Turns out the problem wasn't in the city, it was at my new neighbor's house.

The firetrucks went down the lane leading to the house. I couldn't see any fire or smoke whatsoever. After I went outside, about three more firetrucks came through, plus some police cars and ambulances. We were all outside and there was such a commotion, cars were stopping and slowing down to see what happened. We couldn't tell. The house was too far away. The ambulance took somebody away, I'm sure. I got some pictures. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes to clear up. It was crazy.  I hope no one was seriously hurt or worse..

To this day, I don't know what happened. It wasn't on the news and wasn't in the paper. The local papers come out on Friday and Saturday, so we'll see if it's on there.

Anyway, Tuesday was kinda.. shitty. I had a rough time getting to sleep. I fell asleep at midnight and only slept for four hours. Then, I couldn't get back to sleep until around 8 and by that time, it was so bright in my room from the sunlight. Needless to say, going to sleep wasn't going to be easy. I woke up a few hours later, and it was one of those times where it felt like I never fell asleep at all. Like I dozed off without myself noticing. I was crushed up against my headboard and my right arm was underneath me and was numb and cold, which along with my abrupt waking up from a not-feeling-like-sleep sleep freaked me out and I felt so disoriented for some reason. It was so fucked up.

I fell back asleep and I had a terrible nightmare. My house was invaded by these bad people and apparently there was a maze in my basement with other random good people in there. Well, I had a radar for some reason, so I could see them all running around down there. Then I see red dots which indicated bombs. The bombs were from the bad guys and they were killing the good guys with them.

Suddenly, I'm in the laundry room with one of the bad guys and I fall for a trap and I release a bomb switch, which looked like a window blinds pull thing caught on the laundry chute. The bad guy told me a bomb would go off in a certain amount of time. I guess I fell asleep during the dream and dreamt that I reversed time and didn't release the switch. But then I woke up and there was ony 60 seconds left to get out of the house before it would blow up. I got everyone out of the house, and run out myself. The sky looked like it was on fire and I aw a bus go by. Buses ALWAYS appear in my dreams. It was as if it were the time I usually wait for a bus to go to school. My mom and dad come outside soon, too. (Where are my brother and my uncle?) As time runs out, a fighter jet flies up directly above my house and I realize  that it wasn't a timer for a bomb in my house, it was a timer for an air raid. The jer started firing missiles down on my house, but then bullets from some unknown source (I didn't bother looking behind me) shot all the missiles down before they reached my house.

That's it. I like to think maybe it signifies something bad trying to get to me and my family, but fate won't let it happen.

HOW AWESOME WAS BB9!? Hahaha. So long, Joshuah. Now James needs to get the fuck OUT OF THERE.

I tried going to sleep early again last night. Failed. Stayed up on MySpace and talked to friends. Mostly new ones! I even talked to that freak, Dev on Yahoo. Fun, fun. Listened to random voice messages on Snapvine. I was pretty happy 'cause I found some things to block the sunlight out of my room while I'm trying to sleep. Yay for dark rooms! Gaby and I went on Xbox Live and played for a while. It was a lot of fun as always!

After that, I talked to Megan who got SUSPENDED and Drew who likes to steal clothes from people who are wearing them. Then I went to bed. I was sooo tired. Slept until about 6 and now here I am. Done and done.

Did I mention today is my half birthday? Six months to 20!

Alright. Here we go again. TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN MY BORING LIFE!! For the last time on here!

Let's see.. I left off on Easter. Both of my video games are awesome. If I hadn't stated that already. Thank god, too. I was worried they wouldn't be good, knowing my luck..

I still have been kinda paranoid about my health. But I know there's nothing wrong with me, so I just need to convince myself that. I am getting better though, feeling better physically and mentally.

Unfortunately, my sleep schedule keeps getting later and later and because my bed isn't the most comfortable bed ever, I keep waking up with a bad headache and neck pain. Blah.

Well, I'm officially announcing that I am over Richard. I know, I know. It's a huge shock. I bet a lot of you don't even know who I'm talking about, though. Haha. Thanks to GJ going down.  For me, the only thing that can break a crush is another man. But, since I haven't seen Richard in nearly a year, I suppose that'll do it, too.

Now, I'm searching for new guys. I've been making, or attempting to make new friends on MySpace. Hopefully t all works out.

I've been having some vivid dreams again. In one of them, I was in the Big Brother house again. I dunno if I talked about the other one I had a while ago. Anyway, in this one I was in the HOH room and I was stupefied because I was actually in the BB house and I was on TV. It was  a surreal feeling and above all, I was the first HOH of the season. It was pretty cool. XD

One night I had three dreams, the first one I was back in the trailer and there was some homophobe man sitting at the kitchen table antagonizing me and bossing me around and no one in my family would do anything about it, so I got a shotgun and killed him. The next one was interesting, I was at the trailer again and we were being attacked by really fat, evil pigeons. So, me and Kah ran to a truck and we started being attacked, so Kah used her powers to "purify" the truck, which meant making it spin in the air like a tornado to get rid of them. LMAO. So random. The last one I barely remember, I was at my current house and it had to do with my family sitting at the table and my parakeet. That's all I remember.

Brenda, Moriah and I also prank called people on Saturday. Good times for sure! XD

Today was the best day I had in a long time. I woke up early and played on Xbox Live with Gaby and we talked on there. It's been a while since we did that. It was a lot of fun! After that, I listened to music and found a great guy and just chilled out. It was great. I only had four hours of sleep, so I went back to bed after that for a few hours. The weather is amazing. It was supposed to snow, but it didn't.  Woke up, watched American Idol and Big Brother and that special about how you can live to be 150 years old. Yes, it was most definitely a good start to April. Besides having a headache.

New music on MySpace and YouTube videos have been keeping me happy. Yay broadband! I've been way more active on MySpace, too. It really is a lot of fun and I'm also introducing my friends to each other. I love doing that, and I love meeting new friends.



So, this is it, folks. I'm leaving IJ and LJ.. blogging is just becoming too much of a hassle. I just want to live and not have to worry about documenting it. If you want to stay in contact with me, check my userinfo page. Bye!














Gotcha. APRIL FOOLS!!

I had two mundane, yet interesting dreams; in one of them, I somehow got a hold of the WHS '07-'08 yearbook. I was surprised to have it in the dream. I didn't think you could have yearbooks for the years after you graduated. I was at the school at the time. The yearbook itself looked  like some paperback textbook from the '80s with a purple and holographic cover. I was way stoked to see Richard in there, but I was gonna wait 'til later to look at him. Unfortunately, I did not own the book as it turned out. My mom was there for some reason and she said she couldn't pay for it. I was pissed.

My next dream was really random. It had an uncorrelated effect on me as far as I can tell. But I was playing Sonic CD, and I made it to the Special Stage and I believe I even questioned its authenticity within the dream. It was different; in dream world Sonic CD, you were always Super Sonic during the Special Stage. The stage itself was like playing Phelios, they were flying above some landscape and Tails was there and Super Sonic looked like normal Sonic except he had wings. I knew that was peculiar. For some reason, gothic lettering floated around the screen. "CD" floated by Sonic and I couldn't tell what was floating by Tails. It was really random. You all probably have no idea what I'm going on about.

For some reason, it left me feeling good when I woke up. My mom woke me up to tell me she and my dad were going to visit my uncle in town again. I guess it just reminded me of simpler, happier times. When all the problems that constantly resonate in my head failed to present itself. I realized it's possible to go back to being happy and prevent bad things from happening. Right now, that's what I'm living on.

Right now, I'm crushing on Jordan Belfi. Props to you if you know who I'm talking about. I'll try not to go overboard. It's just so much healthier and better to not be infatuated with famous people. If I had real men in my life, I could avoid that.

No Air by Jordin Sparks IS SUCH A GOOD SONG! I've been getting a lot of new songs lately. I love it. I have been in dire need of new music. All my current songs were becoming extremely repetitive.

I feel like I'm slowly recovering from my low point. I feel like I'm in the same position I was in two years ago. I had a huge fall out at the beginning of 2006. It was awful. I felt like I would never climb out of it. But I did. I felt so strong and happy after that. I only hope I can come out of this stronger than ever, too.

I slept really well. Dawn looked amazing so I snapped some pictures. I'm always taking pictures of random things like skyscapes and when I win on Xbox Live. Lmao. I'm fairly certain I had some sort of eccentric dream before waking up, earlier than usual I might add, but I don't remember it. I had some sort of sexual fantasy when I woke up at 1, which is why I'm thinking I had a dirty dream prior which fueled that fantasy.

My mom "woke me up" and told me that some lawyer.. person.. dude.. guy had to interview me and my brother on the phone like NOW in relation to my uncle. He told her to tell me not to be worried, that he's not looking to find something wrong and that he's not a bad person and that he's not gonna exploit me or whatever. He needed to know if I wanted to be my uncle's power of attorney and some information about the housing situation. It'd only be a couple minutes but I still didn't wanna do it. She also told me I'd have to go with her and my brother to have an in-person interview with my uncle's actual lawyer on a later day. Ugh.

Well, we were waiting for everyone to be ready and then my mom called his office. We had to do this before my brother and dad left for work.. which was in like 20 mins at that point. Well.. he had since left for an appointment. His secretary didn't know when he'd be back. I was kinda relieved but at the same time not. I just wanted to get it over with. I hate stressors. I suggested he could interview me alone if he called later and he could interview my brother tomorrow so they could leave for work. He never called. I was gonna go back to sleep after that, but I figured I'd stay up in case he did call so I would be ready.

My mom and I were about to clean up a bit in case one of those fucking feds came to inspect our living conditions but we were about to have company. So I just went to my room and laid down and ended up falling asleep. That's when I had the more memorable dreams. I dreamt about meeting Megan for the millionth time.. and about a bunch of people getting in some sort of trouble. Can't really remember.

My mom woke me up with perch and then I proceeded to do online stuff and listen to music and watch videos until BB9 came on. It was an intense episode. Wow. I saw some of the things that went on on the live feeds/YouTube and BB blogs but they showed a bit more. It was crazy. I won't spoil it. Afterwards, I helped my mom with more cleaning.

I really can't wait until Ashlee Simpson's new CD!

I'm quite possibly in the lowest area I've been in my life or at least in a while.

I think back to October of last year, even December and it seems like I was in another world compared to where I am now.. how the hell did I get here? This place I'm in now feels so unrecognizable as to where I was then. It feels like hell. Constantly unhappy, hopeless, never excited for anything anymore. It makes me so furious that everything has to be negative all the time.

A few months ago I was so productive with my project and so excited about it. I was looking forward to success and dreaming of being able to do what I want. Then, a long string of shitty things struck me and suddenly that incline was ripped away from me. I'm at a loss of words to describe how I feel about it. I just want to scream and lose control.

I wish there was some horrible person at the center of this uncanny horrid coincidence so I could hunt them down and make sure they felt every single ounce of pain they caused me and everyone around me. But that's the worst part; there's no one to blame. These events have had both a direct and indirect impact on my life. Hindering me and putting me in a completely dismal state.

I want to do everything I can to turn things around and get myself happy again. I want to be able to look up again. It's not fair to have to deal with everything getting progressively worse every day. I'm starting to not care about anything. I'm not gonna give up on my website. I won't give up on my dream and I won't give up on life. I hate feeling vulnerable and scared. I need to go back to feeling robust and happy again. I'll do anything to return to that.

I'm technically not back yet. My computer is still a piece of shit. I can barely read what I'm typing, so here we go. I'm only doing this because if I were to wait a couple decades down the road when I finally get this invalid fixed, I don't have to make a ten thousand page update and wrack my brain trying to remember what I did and when. I have OCD like that.

Ever since I got Live, my sleep schedule has changed from normal for other people ; in bed at around 10 - 12, to normal for me; in bed any time after 5 AM. That's not necessarily good. I hate waking up in the middle of the day, a few hours from sunset. Although with the way the weather's been going, I haven't seen the sun in weeks, anyway. Above that, I feel extremely lethargic. My body aches, my head hurts, I feel sick.

But hey, Live is pretty wicked. Which is what I've been doing to kill boredom that being on a working computer usually takes care of, but mostly watching season three of The OC. That covers most of what happened on Monday. I'm improving a lot on my Street Fighter skills, mosly for Live. Competing against other real live people, often ninjas and savants, is a far different story than fighting against the computer. People have the margin for improvement and growth, whereas the margin for a computer is previously set. The story stays the same about me improving for other games, too. I'm getting pretty far in Ecco. I just love classic games. Many times I'd rather play the classics than the new ones.

Ecco is a hard bitch ass game. No wonder I barely got anywhere when I first played it when I was like five. Not to mention traumatizing. Especially to those with arachnophobia. No spiders, but plenty of Octopi and sea spiders. *shudder*

On Live, you have a Rep, which is a representation of your reputation on there. It's calculated in five stars. Everytime you play a game and/or someone marks you as a preferred player, your rep goes up. It fills up a star a little bit at a time. I believe I started off with three stars when I began. Well, I'm close to a full five, so I checked my Rep and yesterday, it said I had 100% positive rating. Well, this time I checked it said I had a 66% preferred rating, and 34% avoided me. I was floored. I didn't get it. I did nothing wrong to anybody. I was nice, didn't cheat. Hell, I even sucked at it compared to those people. What the fuck? What I also didn't understand was why my rating was higher than before if people were setting me as 'avoid'. Another thing is that if you give people a bad rating/avoid them, you have to give a reason. And you have a details section in your rep breakdown, and it gives you a percentage of what people who chose to avoid you gave a reason as to why they did that. You can choose from six reasons, and all mine read 0%. So, I'm completely confused. I thought it was a glitch or a mistake. But it's still like that, and I turned it off and on.

My guess is that maybe someone can choose to avoid you without lowering your Rep. I don't know for sure. I gave one person a bad Rep for talking shit, being an asshole and a bad sport. It says in the help that it 'may or may not affect your rep' if you avoid someone. I can understand separating the two entities, though. I just don't remember having that option. Maybe the next time I play with some douche, I'll pay more attention when I send him a bad rep.

On Tuesday, my mom found a way to secure me a copy of season four of The OC, since it was highly doubtful I'd be able to run and get it before the week was done. She bought it online at Best Buy and it's ready and reserved for me for eight days. I'll be getting it on Saturday. So, I'll probably have it before I'm finished with season three. I'm on disc 4/7.

That's what I did most of the day on Tuesday, too. I'm hella lazy. Just been feeling like shit, you know? Drew called and we talked for like two hours. Unfortunately, I shouldn't do that. That's the reason I got my phone turned off. Using it too much outside of free hours. I only have like less than 220 minutes left. I also watched American Idol and One Tree Hill. OTH is still good, but it's dramatically different from all the seasons. I'm assuming it's different from season four, too. Since I never saw season four. It just seems really toned down and too different. It just jumped into a whole new realm without anyone being able to get used to it.

That night, Megan and I talked for three hours. Longest phone call we had in forever. I'm glad we're able to do that. It's fun being able to talk about stuff and how things were back when we met. All the people we were friends with and who were around back then. That a lot of our friends and the people who we saw consider that one of the best times of their life. And now it's all gone and we're just all depressed about it. I guess the only thing that sucks more about it being gone is that we can't have it back to the way it was. It'll never be the same again.

I had a disturbing dream today. Unfortunately, I can't remember all of it. I remember at one point, some of my brother's friends come over and when I tell them I'm not going to college, they tell me I have to, that I MUST. And I argued with them, telling them I absolutely will not.

Then, another part of the dream, I'm in some room with a bunch of people I've never met. One of them attacks me and tries to stab me with a knife and ends up slashing my left wrist. After that, I left and told them all to stay in the room. I put the knife in the bathroom and bled a little on the counter and I told my brother and his friends what happened. I wasn't all frantic about it or concerned with the people or the person who did it. It was kinda just nonchalant, as I had left someone who tried to kill me in an unlocked room with windows unattended. We all go back there to find that they all left and we go out looking for them. All I remember is that the sun was just below the horizon and there was a gorgeous twilight.

I think I've been having weird dreams a lot lately. I just can't recollect them. Ever since Donnie came here and I've been sleeping in my own uncomfortable bed. I haven't seen or visited with Donnie much since he came here. I've just been feeling so crappy that I've been lazing around my room all day. Usually he leaves before I wake up and when he comes back at night, I'm on the phone or playing games.

Today is no exception. Still boring. Haven't felt like doing anything but getting farther in season three. Yay! I love The OC. I like it a lot more than Degrassi, actually. Okay, well this entry is getting long. I've had a boring three days, and look at how much I can go on about it?

Blah. I'm sick.

I'm about to go and watch the Green Bay Packers play the New York Giants. The second football game I actually paid attention to. XD The first one was last weekend. GO PACKERS!! They will win. =P

Well, yesterday was very lazy. My parents were in town most of the day doing Christmas Part 2 shopping. I was planning on going shopping with my brother after they got back.. but he was doing something else. Argh. He's ditched me in doing this for DAYS! Whatever..

I watched this show called Psych on USA. It's a good show! I need to add it to my shows to watch. I plan on boycotting The N relatively soon. My once favorite network is now one of the shittiest in my opinion. I thought that when it went 24/7, it'd be smarter, but it only made room for more stupidity. Instead of perpetuating their original programming, they're cancelling most of it, and flooding the channel with Nickelodeon reruns. If I wanted that, I'd just tune to Nickelodeon. God. Also, they're cancelling a bunch of their pending series. Well, whatever. I'll laugh when all they have left is Degrassi and Nick shows.

I got food from Fox's last night. Love that place. I really didn't do a whole lot after that.. just messed around with IJ and LJ trying to get the perfect layouts and stuff.

My American Eagle clothing my mom ordered for me never arrived yesterday when it really should've.. the shipping place must've closed or something. Strange.

It's a great night to have a football game in Green Bay. It's freezing out and there's a full moon! The elements are definitely on our side tonight!

Me and my brother aren't going shopping tonight, either. The heater in his car blew. Sooo.. I dunno when we'll do it. Maybe he should just do it. I feel like shit, anyway. I feel terrible.. =/

Last night was when my sickness began. Strommen called me at 3:24 AM. He was apparently "drunk," and he thought I called him. The missed call beep coming from my phone was in my dream and eventually, it woke me up an hour later. I forgot what the hell I was dreaming about, too. But I remember it was interesting. I couldn't get back to sleep after that until about 7:22 am. I felt awful.

Well, the game's about to begin. GO PACKERS!!

Yeah, well. Today's definitely not one of my highlights. It was so boring. Even being with my cousin was dull.

I had a dream this morning involving one of my MySpace friends. It was of the eccentric variety. Very random, too. But then again, it is me, and it was a dream. Sorry. I speak on here as if I'm talking to the usual lot of GJ friends I'm familiar with and who are familiar with me.

Goddamn, so many people commenting on the News community of GJ are such assholes I had to tell them off. Whatever. I suppose getting away from THOSE people is one good thing.

I tried saving a bunch of my GJ shit, but I just really didn't feel like doing it.. besides, the server wasn't very permitting in letting me do so. There's always tomorrow.. at least there better be..

Man, I'm exhausted. I'm probably gonna go to sleep soon.

They're playing a Saved by the Bell marathon on The N, and I honestly didn't think I'd care too much for it, but it's actually a cool show. I admit I never really watched it back in the day.

I think I'll do something to my profile.

Marissa's reaction mirrors my frustration of the end of GJ. By the way, I won't be all about the death of GJ. I promise.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c0n1Y6mjJU

Fucking IJ won't let me embed video codes. DAMMIT!