Woven Cognition

Since I HATE having to recall a week or more of events when I update, I'm going to update about Thursday, April 17th - Friday, April 18th 12:00AM - 5:14AM, 2008 RIGHT NOW!!

Well, the most I can say is Xbox Live Halo 3 and sleeping addict = me. Yeah. I went to bed about 24 hours later than I woke up the day before. I figured at 5 am, that since I was gonna meet Gaby on Live in a few hours, no point in sleeping. I'd just be tired that way. We played for only about an hour and she had to leave. We need to practice our Team Doublez. :P And I spell it with a 'z' because this one guy with a really hot voice spelled it like that and it'll probably heighten my chances of getting into his pants if I spell things just like he does. Despite the fact that I haven't talked to him since I added him. Oh, sigh.

Anyway.. I've become Mr. Popularity on Live.. probably because I actually avidly use it now. I got two friend requests today and one person accepted one I sent. I feel bad though, 'cause this guy I added wanted to talk to me on private chat, but I never accepted. I jut don't know what we'd talk about. I'd feel awkward. Maybe another time. I just told him I lost my mic. Plus, I was playing in a game. I don't want him hearing my violent rants. Haha.

I was playing Swords and I was sucking bad in the beginning, got better, sucked again after that and I was getting really frustrated so I just lost it and started kicking everyone's asses. It was awesome. Someone caught up and surpassedme, but then I just kicked it into overdrive and won. I was PISSED though, 'cause after that, I switched games for Halo 2 and little did I know that that'd cause me to lose all my recent unsaved videos. So that brilliant victory is gone. =[ But, I still have a record of it at least.

My brother wanted me to play Halo 2 on Live with him. But I had to redownload a bunch of maps first, and it wasn't cooperating, so I just gave up and told him I'd play tomorrow.

Oh, and there was this douchebag on Oddball who called everyone a dumbass for killing him when he didn't have the ball. He said you only kill the person with the ball. Uhm, asshole, if that were true, you wouldn't show up in RED. You show up in green if you're not supposed to kill the person and you'd lose a point. That's the object of the game. Retard. Oh, and he was doing the same thing he was preaching against. Fuckass. God, I love the Theater feature.

My uncle is driving everyone crazy. I REALLY wish he could move back home. I do not like him staying here. Nobody does. He's being really ungrateful and he blames us for what happened. He doesn't realize how hard my parents fought to get him here and he acts like this? Have a little gratitude. We cold have not done anything and let him get sent to some awful nursing home.

My parents went to the dentist's office and I crashed. I woke up periodically, but slept until about 8 pm. I had some dinner and my stomach started hurting bad. It felt sick when I first woke up, actually. So, I went back to sleep until 11:30 or so.

I showed my family some of those Chenbot videos. XD Those are great. "But first.." And then we saw some video from the premiere of Big Brother 1. It's been so long since I saw BB1. Everything is so different. Better now, though. For sure. It looks so primitive compared to the way it is now.

I downloaded those maps and I played some rounds of H2 with my brother and his friend. I played solo twice before they joined me. It's so much harder than Halo 3. And Halo 2 looks so much more primitive than Halo 3. In one of the later games, I came across this guy from the second game I played on Halo 2 alone. He started talking shit to me, but I ignored him. I sucked at that game, but I beat his stupid ass. Punk ass bitch. I wanna meet up with him again and chew him out. I looked at his Service Record and he SUCKS. HAHA! Moron.

Anyway, that's all for me. I dunno how to go about today.. I slept for like a thousand hours yesterday. Meh... I hate my sleep patterns..

Happy Leap Day everyone. It seems like forever since the last Leap Day. Kinda weird to think that this day won't exist next year or until 2012. I have not been having a good week. I never talked about how my phone interview with the lawyer, did I? Well his name was Matt and he seemed nice. He wasn't an asshole or anything and he wasn't trying to find dirt to get on us or my uncle. It wasn't long, either. I was way more stressed the day before the actual interview. One the day I actually did it, I just woke up and a few minutes later he called and I got it done before my brother even came upstairs. I was gonna let him do it first, but I just nipped it in the butt. I like getting things over with as fast as possible, anyway. He just asked me if I think he's able to make his own decisions, what my opinion on the situation is, if I had anything to say, and finally if I wanted to assume power of attorney over him, which I said yes to. I took a nice nap after that.

I had a breakdown Thursday morning. I hadn't slept since I woke up on Wednesday and I felt nauseous. I've been stressing and freaking out about shit. I have a huge fear of death and lately it's all I ever think about. I hate it. I'm so afraid of if or when it'll strike me or my family and what happens after we die. It just freaked me out. This has been happening for years. But now it seems to be greatly inflated. I'm a hypochondriac and I'm always checking myself over for signs of illness or disease and I'm driving myself insane. I know I'm about to break. After the breakdown, I went to sleep. I felt delirious. I felt way better after waking up.

My brother and dad are both sick and have missed work most of this week. First it was my brother, then it was my dad. When I woke up on Thursday night, my mom and dad went to town to pick my brother up from work because he was sick. I had the house to myself and time to distract myself  from my depression and get myself back on track.  I'm gonna do my best to have a normal and happy and normal life and forget about death. It doesn't have to be on my mind.  I felt stronger, but I know it's temporary. I'm not over it. But maybe it's a sign of growth. I hope so.

Strommen's Facebook was "hacked" last night and his profile pic was of two guys groping each other and his "interested in" field said "Men" and it was hilarious. I told him that I called it. When he found out, he freaked out and was like "Oh my god, ignore all that! I'm so pissed at the drunk bastards who fucked up my profile! I left Facebook on while I took a midterm!" Yeah, okay. I think he just had a moment of feeling daring enough to share with the world his sexuality, then he chickened out. Haha.

I set my alarm to wake up today at 9:25, which I realize now that that was already pushing it late, so I could meet Gaby on Live, but I felt really horrible. I was so tired and dizzy and I tried so hard to keep myself awake but I ended up crashing. I slept forever. I think all this mental and emotional strain is calling for some recovery so I slept for what seemed like a long time. It wasn't as long as I thought, it was just that I was in a very deep sleep. My mom woke me at around 11 to tell me that she and my brother were going to the lawyer's office for the interview and that the lawyer told her I didn't have to go. I was so happy! I slept in a deep sleep until 3:30 and they still weren't back. My dad stayed home from work. They came back and then my mom and dad went to my uncle's house. Apparently the cats got into the house and are shitting and pissing everywhere. Shit. I can't remember in what time frame, but I kept waking up and falling back asleep and it took  me FOREVER to get up and stay awake. I could've just slept for days. I was exhausted.

The house is being inspected by a lawyer and the health dept. or some shit in the near future. FUCK THEM! It's cleaning time, dammit.

I totally downloaded Jumper. It's sooo good! It took me about a half a day to get it. My fucking computer kept going into standby, which may or may not have slowed it down. Piece of shit. Argh. But I have it nonetheless. I just wish I could watch it better. With four bars on the screen, I feel like I'm watching it through a jail cell. Hayden is teh sex.

I'm now on playing gratuitous amounts of Burnout Paradise. I went from a D license to a B license in a matter of hours. I'm halfway to my A license! Yay! I love that game, it's a lot of fun to play. Can be frustrating as hell, too. On my breakdown day, I watched House Calls for the first time, the Big Brother talk show. It's a fun show. I wish I would've started watching sooner.

One last thing: HOW SHITTY IS IT THAT SOUTH OF NOWHERE IS ENDING SOON!?

I slept really well. Dawn looked amazing so I snapped some pictures. I'm always taking pictures of random things like skyscapes and when I win on Xbox Live. Lmao. I'm fairly certain I had some sort of eccentric dream before waking up, earlier than usual I might add, but I don't remember it. I had some sort of sexual fantasy when I woke up at 1, which is why I'm thinking I had a dirty dream prior which fueled that fantasy.

My mom "woke me up" and told me that some lawyer.. person.. dude.. guy had to interview me and my brother on the phone like NOW in relation to my uncle. He told her to tell me not to be worried, that he's not looking to find something wrong and that he's not a bad person and that he's not gonna exploit me or whatever. He needed to know if I wanted to be my uncle's power of attorney and some information about the housing situation. It'd only be a couple minutes but I still didn't wanna do it. She also told me I'd have to go with her and my brother to have an in-person interview with my uncle's actual lawyer on a later day. Ugh.

Well, we were waiting for everyone to be ready and then my mom called his office. We had to do this before my brother and dad left for work.. which was in like 20 mins at that point. Well.. he had since left for an appointment. His secretary didn't know when he'd be back. I was kinda relieved but at the same time not. I just wanted to get it over with. I hate stressors. I suggested he could interview me alone if he called later and he could interview my brother tomorrow so they could leave for work. He never called. I was gonna go back to sleep after that, but I figured I'd stay up in case he did call so I would be ready.

My mom and I were about to clean up a bit in case one of those fucking feds came to inspect our living conditions but we were about to have company. So I just went to my room and laid down and ended up falling asleep. That's when I had the more memorable dreams. I dreamt about meeting Megan for the millionth time.. and about a bunch of people getting in some sort of trouble. Can't really remember.

My mom woke me up with perch and then I proceeded to do online stuff and listen to music and watch videos until BB9 came on. It was an intense episode. Wow. I saw some of the things that went on on the live feeds/YouTube and BB blogs but they showed a bit more. It was crazy. I won't spoil it. Afterwards, I helped my mom with more cleaning.

I really can't wait until Ashlee Simpson's new CD!

I must say that nothing far from the usual despair has been occurring in my life as of late. Hence the lack of updates. What more can I say of my routines besides Xbox Live and Big Brother 9, which is, as usual, entertaining.

I started rewatching the first season of The OC. It helps me get to sleep. Takes my mind off the bad things. That's ultimately what makes it so hard to get to sleep sometimes.

I know you're all eager to find out what's going on in my uncle's case. Well, my parents went to court on Tuesday. They were not allowed to even speak, but to watch as the judge and every other crooked fucker in the room made it seem as if my uncle was incompetent, which he is NOT. He is hard of hearing and they all did their best to ignore it and ignorantly accuse him of being incapacitated. What a bunch of shit. I fucking hate those people. It is beyond fucked up that they get to have so much control. In any case, they revoked my mom's power of attorney and all her rights of him. He's stayiing in some nursing home,  which means they'll bleed his money and property dry. The bitch over there accused him of having dementia. HE DOESN'T HAVE DEMENTIA! What the FUCK!?

Now there's another hearing on the 6th. All that needs to happen is for his real doctor to say he's not incompetent. I got a court notice in the mail, so that may or may not mean I have to go to court. I don't wanna go. My mom, brother and I went to the house last night and they put some notice on the door saying that it's currently unlivable. As if anyone's gonna go to the house and check it out. The cats are fine. I only saw half of them. The others were probably hiding.I'll only really worry if they're gone for a long time. Apparently when my dad was up there earlier, after he left, one of the douches went there in a red van. The neighbors (not the bad ones) called my mom and told her. She told my dad who said he saw them as they passed him. He went back to go check and they were gone. I love how these assholes trek all the way to the boonies to snap a few pictures. Relentless pricks.

In order to get myself out of a chronic bad mood. I've turned to a chronic outside resource. Do any of you watch Big Brother? I like Matt and Alex. So, I started playing Halo 3 again last night. It was a nice change of pace. I watched some of the recent videos of my games in theater. For some reason, my helmet changes in the last two games of Hammerzeit. Hmm. I'm pissed 'cause I didn't save my first multiplayer videos. =[

My mom and I took out the Christmas tree. That was a lot of fun. x_x

There's a lunar eclipse tonight! So glad it's clear out. I can see it already.