Woven Cognition

I'm quite possibly in the lowest area I've been in my life or at least in a while.

I think back to October of last year, even December and it seems like I was in another world compared to where I am now.. how the hell did I get here? This place I'm in now feels so unrecognizable as to where I was then. It feels like hell. Constantly unhappy, hopeless, never excited for anything anymore. It makes me so furious that everything has to be negative all the time.

A few months ago I was so productive with my project and so excited about it. I was looking forward to success and dreaming of being able to do what I want. Then, a long string of shitty things struck me and suddenly that incline was ripped away from me. I'm at a loss of words to describe how I feel about it. I just want to scream and lose control.

I wish there was some horrible person at the center of this uncanny horrid coincidence so I could hunt them down and make sure they felt every single ounce of pain they caused me and everyone around me. But that's the worst part; there's no one to blame. These events have had both a direct and indirect impact on my life. Hindering me and putting me in a completely dismal state.

I want to do everything I can to turn things around and get myself happy again. I want to be able to look up again. It's not fair to have to deal with everything getting progressively worse every day. I'm starting to not care about anything. I'm not gonna give up on my website. I won't give up on my dream and I won't give up on life. I hate feeling vulnerable and scared. I need to go back to feeling robust and happy again. I'll do anything to return to that.