Woven Cognition

Well, I had just about the best weekend ever. Yes, I got my shift key fixed. Yay! I wonder how long it'll last. I'm really getting ready to break this shitty keyboard. Anyway.

I spent some of Friday cleaning off my TV and preparing for it to be shipped out so my new TV could be shipped in. Not much time at all was allocated to doing this on Friday. I spent more time on Saturday morning doing it. Then, my mom washed it off and screen cleaned it. She said I should go along to bring it back just in case I have a variety of televisions to choose from as my replacement. We wouldn't be leaving until after six. My dad had to make up work because he was sick a day this week.

It was kinda depressing getting rid of it. I liked my [then current] TV, but the HD didn't work and the volume/channel buttons were fucked up. It had to go. Besides, I'm getting a whole new TV for Christ's sake. Who the hell would pass that up? I took some pictures for posterity. And evidence. In case they try to screw us over.. or if the TV fell out of the trunk on the way there. Lmao.

I unhooked everything and we moved it out and my mom vacuumed behind it. Tha thing is a monster. When my dad moved it around so my mom could get to the back of it, it began crushing my entertainment center. Apparently it's supposed to weigh only 150. If that's the case, I weigh more than it does and I doubt that.

It was gonna be a pain in the ass bringing it downstairs, but we managed. Then we had to load it into the trunk of the car, which was a lot easier. We were all gonna go, so we left my uncle at home. He was alright by himself, thankfully. Haha. So was my dog. Usually, I have to stay at home and babysit or someone else has to.

Now, I was given the impression and expectation that my replacement TV would either be the exact same kind as my old one, maybe look different, be a more updated model, or maybe I'd get to choose from any kind of Panasonic TV, as that was the brand I had. When we got to Circuit City (which is in a new location and now looks like a gigantic bookstore from the outside) and went in after they wheeled my TV away, the guy told us that they no longer make tube TVs, which is what I had, and I would have to choose from the flat screen LCDs.  I did not complain with that! I mean, I like big ol' TVs, but I think flatscreen LCDs are the shit! The only thing that worried me and what I originally thought he said/meant was that because they don't make the same kind I had or that they just don't have any, that I'd have to settle for a smaller TV. I mean, the ones I got to choose from looked smaller in screen size because they're not so bulky and have a much smaller cabinet.

They were all widescreen, too. I wasn't limited to the ones that costed exactly the same as my old one, but if I got a more expensive TV, we'd have to pay the difference. It was a tough choice. I was wary and kinda bummed about the sizes of the TVs at first, but I was told the screen size was the same, just 32" wide and like I said before, the cabinet (area around the TV screen) is smaller, so it gives off that illusion. They had some wicked TVs there. I WISH I could have gotten one of those giant 58" inchers. If only I had $1500 more. My parents and brother helped me pick one out and I picked the one with the biggest and sharper screen with a nice look. What really sealed the deal was that this TV is normally $800, going for only $550. FUCK YES!! The thing was, the one on display was the only one they had of that one. The guy called elsewhere and found a brand new one in Appleton and we'd have to pay only $50 difference, but they closed at 10 and we'd never make it.

I had to make a choice between getting the one on display right now, or wait until tomorrow and get a brand spankin' new one for only $50 more. I was really gonna say "I want one now, so give me the display." But the "You'll thank me for this later" side of me told me to wait. And I did. I was pissed because I really wanted the TV tonight and now when I went home, I wouldn't be able to do anything since my TV was gone.

My mom offered to let me borrow a different TV until tomorrow and my brother offered to let me play Xbox 360 in his room. We even went to McDonald's afterward. I love my family. That made things a lot better. It sucked having to wait and have no TV for the night, but I was getting a fucking amazing TV for a crazy good deal. That pretty much made it worth it. That still made me happy nonetheless and I was still excited for it. Made me less upset. Then, we went to McD's for me and my bro and BK for my mom and dad and we went home.

I ended up buying a Magnavox flat screen LCD TV.  :D

I spent much of the night being with my family. I don't really do that much and I really should do it more. It was really nice and a lot of fun. Then my brother and I played some Halo 3 on Live and I went to bed.

To make things better, my mom and bro told me they were gonna go and get the TV after dropping off my dad at work. So, I would pretty much have it here before I woke up. But, they were just leaving when I woke up. It's all good, though, because I needed to clean up my entertainment center and my room. By the time I finished, they were home.

They brought back more food. Lawlz. So, I quick ate and we began setting it up. It was a lot more stressful and complicated than I thought it'd be. But thankfully, my brother knows his stuff when it comes to cords and shit. The screen is so fucking amazing.TV shows look amazing, video games are great, DVDs too.. and Xbox 360 HD.. OH MY GOD!!!! ORGASMIC!!!

I invited my family to watch some things to display the greatness of my new TV and it was a lot of fun and my TV didn't fail to deliver.

I went with my mom to go pick up my dad from work. We just talked about whatever and we talked about what happens in the afterlife and living forever.. Then I asked her if she supported me and my sexuality and she told me she does and that she loves me no matter what and she respects that I'm gay and doesn't question it. She only wants the best for me and hopes my brother and dad take the news well. I'm so glad she understands now. I'm truly thankful to have a great family.

After getting my dad, I got a milkshake. YAY MILKSHAKES!!

When I got home, we had dinner and I showed my dad my TV. It's pretty much like a new family member now. I tested out more things with it. My brother let me borrow his game, TimeShift and he showed it to me on my TV. It's so real looking, you'd think you're there!

We played Halo 3 again later, too. It's so crisp and clear, and FEAR.. WOW. You can actually tell what the HUD says. The ONLY gripe I have about the TV is that whenever you change channels, there's a big gawdy HUD that blocks things out for a couple seconds, but I figured out a way to get past it for the most part. Another thing I was worried about was the TV being smaller (not in screen size) was that I'd have to duck to see it. It's actually just fine the way it is. No need for a stand. It's not a projection, either. So, I can go anywhere and still see the screen perfectly. :D It really accentuates my room well. It's a perfect fit. Way better than my old TV. Although, I will miss my old one. I got to keep the remote from my old one at least. XD

Some people might find it lame or materialistic that my family and I were brought together because of a fancy TV, but if it works, go for it. Besides, fuck them if they don't like it. It's better than being brought together by something boring and lame. =P This weekend was the best I'd had in forever and I've been the happiest I had been in a long time, too. We all really needed this. Thanks.

Let's see.. what's been going on in the life me me lately..

I left off on Saturday. Not a lot happened on Sunday. About the most exciting thing that happened was the lightning storm. It thundered and lightninged and rained like crazy. It was pretty cool. It's a nice change of pace from the usual snow and no snow. Most of the snow stayed on the ground, though. I love lightning storms. I'm just not too crazy about them when they're right on me. I prefer them in the distance. I think it's more fun looking straight ahead to watch lightning straight than having the look above. That tends to be dangerous.

Monday wasn't so great. My mom woke me up to tell me that my uncle passed out and was unresponsive. My parents rushed there right away. I was very worried but I went back to sleep after they left. My mom came back home and told me he was fine. Thank god. She told me that he said the respirator he was on made him feel weird, then he became unresponsive and the nurses tried to get him out of that state. He could hear them but couldn't respond, then he blacked out and randomly woke out of it later. Yeah, they sure are responsible caretakers. They're setting a lovely example of how to REALLY take care of people, unlike us who are "negligent" and "unfit." FUCK THEM. Since he's been there, he's fallen once and now this happened. While he was in our care, he's barely had any mishaps. Stupid fucks. Not to mention his "guardian" wouldn't answer any of her phones. My god, what a dumb bitch.

I borrowed Rock Band from my brother. It's a hell of a lot of fun. :D I'm pretty good at it and I'm only a beginner.  I didn't go to sleep again until around 11 am. I found that Richard has another MySpace floating around. One that's way more informative than his other one. So I was pretty thrilled about that. I slept until 6 pm. Lmao. Watched AI for the first time in a while. I hate when all my shows are on at the same time. We're low on VCRs so I can't tape my other shows. Even if I could, I'd be too lazy to ever watch them later. I'm such a retard like that. Luckily they have TV online. Bu really, same rules apply. Then I watched BB. I'm so glad Matty is off the block! I can't wait to see what the new twist is gonna be and what the alarm means. I just saw a commercial about it. They say something about Big Brother not letting the evicted houseguests leave and that that's just the beginning of it! Hope it's juicy!

Did I mention that the nice guy lawyer who interviewed me stabbed us in the back and is actually a gigantic douchebag? He says he believes my uncle is incompetent and should have an appointed guardian. Cocksucking bastard.

For the past few days, I've been serial adding people on MySpace again. I DO NOT do it to boost my friend count, I do it to make new friends. LUCKILY most of them added me back this time! Sweet. My luck is coming back to me. I thought it might have been my new, more optimistic profile and possible outlook and it may be the latter. As for the profile, I accidentally forgot to save that. But I since fixed it. Haha. I hope they actually talk to me. As for the ones who didn't add me, whatever to them. Ruuuuude.

I felt so tired come midnight. I just wanted to go to sleep. Even though I'd only been awake for six hours. I went to bed at about half past midnight.. fell asleep a little after 1.. and woke up at 4. Wow. Three hours. Woohoo. I hate that I can only sleep for 3-4 hours at night, yet during the day I can sleep for half of it. I tried going back to sleep but as always that was a bust. I just stayed awake and kept myself amused.

Lately I've been reminiscing about the good times I had not so long ago. Man, I remember how the end of August 2007 felt. I felt so free and happy. It was like the spell of high school broke and I realized finally that I am an amazing person and I am worthwhile. I became more confident and worked hard on bettering myself in more ways than one. I got to meet my cousin Donnie again. He was a lot of fun to be around. I hadn't seen him since I was 4 so I barely remembered him at all. Apparently I was crazy about him when I was younger. September was more of the same. With school going on without me, it forced me to think about that. I miss the good times I had in school. Especially senior year. I miss 8th hour study hall. I miss my friends, the times I had in school that were fun, of course the crushes. End of September Donnie came back. I was making a lot of new friends albeit online but still. I had my friends around me. I didn't feel lonely at all despite missing Richard like fucking crazy.

Everything felt new and exciting. I turned 19 and I had such a fantastic birthday. Many would consider a great 19th getting plastered with friends and getting laid but I had fun staying up until almost 6 AM; it still being dark out and the moon was directly above my head. It was gorgeous outside, there was a nice breeze. I jumped on the trampoline to celebrate my freedom. Because I could stay up that late and do that now. I didn't have to worry about going back to that oppressive school anymore or ever take orders from anybody again. I felt to alive. With fear of not having a birthday at all, waking up and knowing I'd have one was a lot more exciting. I just went to town with my mom and talked on the phone with friend while she got some gifts. Then later I celebrated my birthday with my family and even some extended family. Donnie left the next day and even that day was good. October remained a great month. I made more friends and even had a memorable Halloween.

End of October, beginning of November I came out of my graduate break early because my mom suggested to me this career path that she knew was right up my alley so I got right to work on that. December, kept working hard at it. I also continued to make friends on other venues. I forced myself to stay positive, even in the line of trouble. I was still able to breathe easy. It wasn't until December ended hat my ease went with it. And I refuse to let negative emotion take precedence of my life any longer.

I guess there are some golden moments in everyone's year. Mine for 2006 that I remember well was in December. I recall always wanting to go back to that month. It was flawless. But it seems like things are on an up hill climb for me. I just hope that's true and that I keep climbing.

I'm quite possibly in the lowest area I've been in my life or at least in a while.

I think back to October of last year, even December and it seems like I was in another world compared to where I am now.. how the hell did I get here? This place I'm in now feels so unrecognizable as to where I was then. It feels like hell. Constantly unhappy, hopeless, never excited for anything anymore. It makes me so furious that everything has to be negative all the time.

A few months ago I was so productive with my project and so excited about it. I was looking forward to success and dreaming of being able to do what I want. Then, a long string of shitty things struck me and suddenly that incline was ripped away from me. I'm at a loss of words to describe how I feel about it. I just want to scream and lose control.

I wish there was some horrible person at the center of this uncanny horrid coincidence so I could hunt them down and make sure they felt every single ounce of pain they caused me and everyone around me. But that's the worst part; there's no one to blame. These events have had both a direct and indirect impact on my life. Hindering me and putting me in a completely dismal state.

I want to do everything I can to turn things around and get myself happy again. I want to be able to look up again. It's not fair to have to deal with everything getting progressively worse every day. I'm starting to not care about anything. I'm not gonna give up on my website. I won't give up on my dream and I won't give up on life. I hate feeling vulnerable and scared. I need to go back to feeling robust and happy again. I'll do anything to return to that.

Mannn.. I'm so pissed off! The Packers lost! =[

Bah, whatever. With the streak they went on this season, they'll be at next year's Super Bowl for sure. :P At least they won't have to deal with the cheating Patriots. I hope NYG kills 'em.

Today has been sooooo boring! Well, I did keep myself entertained with playing Street Fighter.. The rest of the day's really kind of a blur to me. But, today is my brother's 30th birthday! I made him a Halo 3 themed card and "I" got him The Donnas' newest CD - Bitchin', which I will be borrowing. Then I wrapped it and put it all together.

I'm officially five seconds away from breaking this keyboard. I HATE IT SO MUCH! Ugh. I can't wait for the LG15 season 2 finale on Friday! I've also watched some random SF things on YouTube to keep myself from being bored.

Okay, anyway.. I really need to get around to modifying my IJ and LJ profile wise. My clothes haven't arrived yet. But I saw UPS and FedEx trucks cruising past my house today. The tracker on AE's website says it still hasn't left New Berlin since Friday.. so maybe it closed for the weekend, possibly since it's MLK day. Whatevs.

I'm in a pretty good mood today, so I'm happy for that!

Later!