Woven Cognition

Happy Leap Day everyone. It seems like forever since the last Leap Day. Kinda weird to think that this day won't exist next year or until 2012. I have not been having a good week. I never talked about how my phone interview with the lawyer, did I? Well his name was Matt and he seemed nice. He wasn't an asshole or anything and he wasn't trying to find dirt to get on us or my uncle. It wasn't long, either. I was way more stressed the day before the actual interview. One the day I actually did it, I just woke up and a few minutes later he called and I got it done before my brother even came upstairs. I was gonna let him do it first, but I just nipped it in the butt. I like getting things over with as fast as possible, anyway. He just asked me if I think he's able to make his own decisions, what my opinion on the situation is, if I had anything to say, and finally if I wanted to assume power of attorney over him, which I said yes to. I took a nice nap after that.

I had a breakdown Thursday morning. I hadn't slept since I woke up on Wednesday and I felt nauseous. I've been stressing and freaking out about shit. I have a huge fear of death and lately it's all I ever think about. I hate it. I'm so afraid of if or when it'll strike me or my family and what happens after we die. It just freaked me out. This has been happening for years. But now it seems to be greatly inflated. I'm a hypochondriac and I'm always checking myself over for signs of illness or disease and I'm driving myself insane. I know I'm about to break. After the breakdown, I went to sleep. I felt delirious. I felt way better after waking up.

My brother and dad are both sick and have missed work most of this week. First it was my brother, then it was my dad. When I woke up on Thursday night, my mom and dad went to town to pick my brother up from work because he was sick. I had the house to myself and time to distract myself  from my depression and get myself back on track.  I'm gonna do my best to have a normal and happy and normal life and forget about death. It doesn't have to be on my mind.  I felt stronger, but I know it's temporary. I'm not over it. But maybe it's a sign of growth. I hope so.

Strommen's Facebook was "hacked" last night and his profile pic was of two guys groping each other and his "interested in" field said "Men" and it was hilarious. I told him that I called it. When he found out, he freaked out and was like "Oh my god, ignore all that! I'm so pissed at the drunk bastards who fucked up my profile! I left Facebook on while I took a midterm!" Yeah, okay. I think he just had a moment of feeling daring enough to share with the world his sexuality, then he chickened out. Haha.

I set my alarm to wake up today at 9:25, which I realize now that that was already pushing it late, so I could meet Gaby on Live, but I felt really horrible. I was so tired and dizzy and I tried so hard to keep myself awake but I ended up crashing. I slept forever. I think all this mental and emotional strain is calling for some recovery so I slept for what seemed like a long time. It wasn't as long as I thought, it was just that I was in a very deep sleep. My mom woke me at around 11 to tell me that she and my brother were going to the lawyer's office for the interview and that the lawyer told her I didn't have to go. I was so happy! I slept in a deep sleep until 3:30 and they still weren't back. My dad stayed home from work. They came back and then my mom and dad went to my uncle's house. Apparently the cats got into the house and are shitting and pissing everywhere. Shit. I can't remember in what time frame, but I kept waking up and falling back asleep and it took  me FOREVER to get up and stay awake. I could've just slept for days. I was exhausted.

The house is being inspected by a lawyer and the health dept. or some shit in the near future. FUCK THEM! It's cleaning time, dammit.

I totally downloaded Jumper. It's sooo good! It took me about a half a day to get it. My fucking computer kept going into standby, which may or may not have slowed it down. Piece of shit. Argh. But I have it nonetheless. I just wish I could watch it better. With four bars on the screen, I feel like I'm watching it through a jail cell. Hayden is teh sex.

I'm now on playing gratuitous amounts of Burnout Paradise. I went from a D license to a B license in a matter of hours. I'm halfway to my A license! Yay! I love that game, it's a lot of fun to play. Can be frustrating as hell, too. On my breakdown day, I watched House Calls for the first time, the Big Brother talk show. It's a fun show. I wish I would've started watching sooner.

One last thing: HOW SHITTY IS IT THAT SOUTH OF NOWHERE IS ENDING SOON!?

Time sure does fly when you're having fun. Except I'm not exactly having the time of my life, but I've experienced worse.

I spent some time with Donnie since my last entry. I was worried that my sleep schedule and lack of any positive emotion in my life right now would get in the way of that but it's not.

Thursday was pretty ordinary. Xbox Live, The OC, trying to see shit on the computer and failing miserably. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown at the end of the day but I'm fine now.

Friday was definitely a step up. When I woke up, I had the house completely to myself. Donnie was with some friends, my brother was at work, my mom and dad were in town trying to exchange Rock Band, since the bass pedal broke. I didn't throw a huge party while they were gone. Please. Ever since the college epidemic swept the class of '07, I've been left as the only 19 year old in a 5 mile radius. Congrats to me for being the oldest teen of my town. It's not even about that. Being home alone is fun and allows me to feel free.

All I did was play on Live and talked to friends. I'm a Live addict. I won't lie. Recently, probably as of Wednesday or Tuesday to be exact, I've been playing the normal Campaign of F.E.A.R. I remember I only played so far and not long after I got the game, I quit for a while.

Now, it's what I play most often on Live, which I need to stop. I've been ignoring all my other games and my friends are disappointed. I feel bad. =[ Not just for them, but I'm also missing out on the action and fun. Did I mention I beat Ecco? Hard ass game. I never beat it in one try. I always used passwords. Not this time. Really only because that feature was retconned from this version. I'm proud of myself nonetheless!

I was in a deathmatch with two other dweebs on FEAR and I was totally kicking their ass and they both left the game. Pussies. What the fuck? The one time I'm owning people and they punk out. Well, whatever. I stayed until the end and claimed my victory. Even if it was a solid 12 minutes. They both left by 8 minutes in. I wanted to claim my victory, dammit. And claim it I did.

Megan and Jacob kept calling me at a ridiculous hour. Apparently Sheldon hadn't come home from his date yet, so they figured he was staying at his house. We three-way called Strommen and they left a long message on his voice mail. It was hilarious.

Today, I had the house to myself for the most part, too. Donnie was out, parents went to town, my brother was asleep. I played games. Fun fun. My parents went to town for my uncle and to pick up season four of The OC. I officially have the entire series! Wo0t! When they got back, my brother and I ran to my uncle's to drop off the groceries, fill syringes and feed the cats, etc.

I had NO idea how fucking cold it was here! When I went outside when we were about to leave, it was like a white hurricane out there. It was worse at my uncle's house. The roads near there were pretty much drifted over completely. It was crazy, but it was cool. I love that kind of weather. Just as long as we stay safe. It was really clear out too, which I guess is why we were having that kind of weather to begin with.

There's a new cat up there, he's white and orange and is really big, he's a loud whiner, but really friendly. Haha. I want some of them.

We made it back and we had brother bonding on the ride. We talked about getting stoned, so when I got back, I toked up some. I'm gonna try it again. Try not to get paranoid. So I'm gonna take it slow. Lame, I know, but I can't help it. So I played some more FEAR. I'm getting really far in that game. Got a lot of achievements. Then, I finished off season three of The OC and started on season four. Oh, Marissa. *sigh*

My brother had this game, Dead Rising, that he says he didn't really care for and was going to sell it. Well, before I knew that, I played it and I actually liked it. Hard as a bitch, but I liked it. Initially, he wasn't going to give it to me. But my mom and I talked him into it. Maybe my letting him have the Conker game that I bought and didn't care for without making him pay for it helped him change his mind. Either way, I'm happy.

Donnie still isn't back yet. But there's probably nothing to worry about, the roads are pretty bad and the drifting and winds are pretty violent, so he's probably staying with his friend.

4 am. I should probably get to sleep or something. Bah.

Having the house to myself for a few hours does constitute for a good day in my opinion. I spent it watching soaps on SOAPNet. XD After taking a long shower/bath, of course.

I finally got some McDonald's food I'd been craving for a while. Mmm.. Then I watched American Idol. Today seemed really long and eventful, but I didn't really do a lot at all.

Me and Brenda talked on the phone for a long time. I love that girl. Gaby finally got to see The Countdown! I'm so happy! =D Hopefully she'll be getting an IJ tomorrow!

Earlier today, I was on eBay looking for these cool cellphone cases for my Motorola RAZR. They were hard plastic and clear. My mom helped me find 'em, since she found them before. The first time I saw them, my friend had a red one for her RAZR. I want one or some for CP2. I found some really cool ones, including some green ones I'd been looking for. Soo.. we'll see! =P Luckily, I found out the proper name for those cases are "Crystal cases," or clear, or hard cases. Good to know!

Congratulations to my friend, Jessikah. She gave birth to a baby boy, Connor Elias, today at 3 pm. I love you Kah! I'm extremely happy for you! =] <33333

Goodnight!