Woven Cognition

It's the last day of April. Sigh. What's the big deal, you ask? Nothing, really. For some reason, this month has brought me a lot of nice things. I met new people, made new friends, overcame obstacles and had a lot of fun. This month has been fantastic ever since the first day.But, here's to a whole bunch of other great months in the future!

I've been having a bittersweet week thus far. On Monday, I was bored for almost the entire day. I actually started playing on Halo 3 with friends I currently have. Normally, once I add someone as a friend on Xbox Live, I don't really play with them again. Which is probably why so many of them end up deleting me. But even so, they shouldn't. They should be just a little more patient with me. I can understand if your friends list is filling up and you wanna weed out the people you don't play with/talk to, but some of these people only have like 5 friends max. This isn't what this entry's about, though.

I played a few games on Forge with Gaby's brother and my other friend, Mitch. I didn't meet these two on Xbox Live, though. Well, Gaby's brother, technically I did. Whatever. Mitch and I played a few games later that night and one of my other friends, who added me from Halo 3 was online, so I sent him an invite to join us and he eventually came and played with us. It was a lot of fun. The guy's really cool. He's the one I wrote about in an earlier entry - the one I thought would ignore me but sent me a friend request instead. Hah.

We played a few rounds, and then they both had to leave so I went to bed after that. Unfortunately that day, I was also getting sick. My throat started to feel funny, so I started spraying Zicam in my throat. My brother was getting that feeling when we were bringing Chazz home, and now he's sick. I'm like a sickness magnet, so of course I'd be next. My throat got progressively worse and the next day it was unbearable. I woke up early, being unable to sleep any longer, plus I wanted to play with Gaby. She couldn't go on , her brother stayed home sick. What a coincidence. It's okay, I probably shouldn't have been talking anyway.

I napped a couple times throughout the day. Took some "tasteless" medicine you mix with a drink. It's not so tasteless. It's downright nauseating. Fuck that, I'm sticking with the throat spray. It hurt to talk, breathe and swallow. It hurt A LOT. I coulld barely talk at all. My cousin came over and she and my mom went out to eat and back to her place. My mom wanted to get away from my crazy uncle. I don't blame her one bit. I chilled at home and kept watch of things. My mom came back a couple of hours later and brought me back food and cough drops. I hadn't had a cough drop since that morning and I was DYING for one. After I ate, my throat felt a lot better. My cousin also let me have her jester hat she got when my brother, my dad and my brother's friend and her went down to Louisiana to get the shit my bro's ex gf stole from him back. Man, she remembered I wanted a hat like that and that happened 8 or so years ago. I'm surprised she still remembers. Haha. It's a cool hat, though! She's so generous. She paid for everything! I owe her a lot.

Mitch, his friend and I played Halo again that night. My friend never showed up. He said he was going to. Something musta came up. I did see him online during the day, though.

Today, my throat felt a lot better. I could talk again! But my other cold symptoms flared up. I had a stuffy nose, a cough and my head hurt. I lazed around today. Didn't play Xbox Live at al.. NOBODY'S ON! What the hell? I really wanna play with my new friend again. He's cool and fun to play with.

I'm getting my new TV on Saturday! Yay! That guardian bitch comes over on Friday. Luckily, I won't have to deal with her at all. Little Miss Obsessive music video's on tomorrow's TRL. It'll be a good next couple days!

Let's see.. what's been going on in the life me me lately..

I left off on Saturday. Not a lot happened on Sunday. About the most exciting thing that happened was the lightning storm. It thundered and lightninged and rained like crazy. It was pretty cool. It's a nice change of pace from the usual snow and no snow. Most of the snow stayed on the ground, though. I love lightning storms. I'm just not too crazy about them when they're right on me. I prefer them in the distance. I think it's more fun looking straight ahead to watch lightning straight than having the look above. That tends to be dangerous.

Monday wasn't so great. My mom woke me up to tell me that my uncle passed out and was unresponsive. My parents rushed there right away. I was very worried but I went back to sleep after they left. My mom came back home and told me he was fine. Thank god. She told me that he said the respirator he was on made him feel weird, then he became unresponsive and the nurses tried to get him out of that state. He could hear them but couldn't respond, then he blacked out and randomly woke out of it later. Yeah, they sure are responsible caretakers. They're setting a lovely example of how to REALLY take care of people, unlike us who are "negligent" and "unfit." FUCK THEM. Since he's been there, he's fallen once and now this happened. While he was in our care, he's barely had any mishaps. Stupid fucks. Not to mention his "guardian" wouldn't answer any of her phones. My god, what a dumb bitch.

I borrowed Rock Band from my brother. It's a hell of a lot of fun. :D I'm pretty good at it and I'm only a beginner.  I didn't go to sleep again until around 11 am. I found that Richard has another MySpace floating around. One that's way more informative than his other one. So I was pretty thrilled about that. I slept until 6 pm. Lmao. Watched AI for the first time in a while. I hate when all my shows are on at the same time. We're low on VCRs so I can't tape my other shows. Even if I could, I'd be too lazy to ever watch them later. I'm such a retard like that. Luckily they have TV online. Bu really, same rules apply. Then I watched BB. I'm so glad Matty is off the block! I can't wait to see what the new twist is gonna be and what the alarm means. I just saw a commercial about it. They say something about Big Brother not letting the evicted houseguests leave and that that's just the beginning of it! Hope it's juicy!

Did I mention that the nice guy lawyer who interviewed me stabbed us in the back and is actually a gigantic douchebag? He says he believes my uncle is incompetent and should have an appointed guardian. Cocksucking bastard.

For the past few days, I've been serial adding people on MySpace again. I DO NOT do it to boost my friend count, I do it to make new friends. LUCKILY most of them added me back this time! Sweet. My luck is coming back to me. I thought it might have been my new, more optimistic profile and possible outlook and it may be the latter. As for the profile, I accidentally forgot to save that. But I since fixed it. Haha. I hope they actually talk to me. As for the ones who didn't add me, whatever to them. Ruuuuude.

I felt so tired come midnight. I just wanted to go to sleep. Even though I'd only been awake for six hours. I went to bed at about half past midnight.. fell asleep a little after 1.. and woke up at 4. Wow. Three hours. Woohoo. I hate that I can only sleep for 3-4 hours at night, yet during the day I can sleep for half of it. I tried going back to sleep but as always that was a bust. I just stayed awake and kept myself amused.

Lately I've been reminiscing about the good times I had not so long ago. Man, I remember how the end of August 2007 felt. I felt so free and happy. It was like the spell of high school broke and I realized finally that I am an amazing person and I am worthwhile. I became more confident and worked hard on bettering myself in more ways than one. I got to meet my cousin Donnie again. He was a lot of fun to be around. I hadn't seen him since I was 4 so I barely remembered him at all. Apparently I was crazy about him when I was younger. September was more of the same. With school going on without me, it forced me to think about that. I miss the good times I had in school. Especially senior year. I miss 8th hour study hall. I miss my friends, the times I had in school that were fun, of course the crushes. End of September Donnie came back. I was making a lot of new friends albeit online but still. I had my friends around me. I didn't feel lonely at all despite missing Richard like fucking crazy.

Everything felt new and exciting. I turned 19 and I had such a fantastic birthday. Many would consider a great 19th getting plastered with friends and getting laid but I had fun staying up until almost 6 AM; it still being dark out and the moon was directly above my head. It was gorgeous outside, there was a nice breeze. I jumped on the trampoline to celebrate my freedom. Because I could stay up that late and do that now. I didn't have to worry about going back to that oppressive school anymore or ever take orders from anybody again. I felt to alive. With fear of not having a birthday at all, waking up and knowing I'd have one was a lot more exciting. I just went to town with my mom and talked on the phone with friend while she got some gifts. Then later I celebrated my birthday with my family and even some extended family. Donnie left the next day and even that day was good. October remained a great month. I made more friends and even had a memorable Halloween.

End of October, beginning of November I came out of my graduate break early because my mom suggested to me this career path that she knew was right up my alley so I got right to work on that. December, kept working hard at it. I also continued to make friends on other venues. I forced myself to stay positive, even in the line of trouble. I was still able to breathe easy. It wasn't until December ended hat my ease went with it. And I refuse to let negative emotion take precedence of my life any longer.

I guess there are some golden moments in everyone's year. Mine for 2006 that I remember well was in December. I recall always wanting to go back to that month. It was flawless. But it seems like things are on an up hill climb for me. I just hope that's true and that I keep climbing.

This is just a forewarning that this is a pretty heavy entry and I lose my cool probably more than a dozen times, so if you don't like serious topics or the typed out version of me screaming angrily, you best avoid this entry.

My day started off well and by "started off," you'd think I meant that the first few hours were good but what I really mean is that only the first few minutes were decent. I woke up from a rather hot dream that I don't feel like talking about right now.

Well, a few minutes after I woke up, my mom and brother come in the driveway. I found it odd that my brother wasn't at work. I go downstairs and my mom is on the phone and my dad is also home. Strange. I thought maybe they took a random vacation day. A few minutes later, my mom comes to my room and tells me that my uncle was taken to the fucking mental health institute. WHAT. THE. FUCK?

This is most likely going to become a long entry. So if you don't give a shit, then I don't blame you, do something productive with your free time. Anyway. I remember the last time I was at my uncle's house, I heard about my neighbors being benevolent and bringing my uncle water and food or whatever. That had me feeling a bit skittish.

Let's backtrack a bit. My uncle lives in a trailer a few miles away. He's elderly and diabetic and he lives by himself. Everyone in my family goes up there periodically to bring him food, take care of the cats, refill his syringes, check up on him, making sure he's alright. My brother and dad often go shopping for him after work, and my mom does often as well. We go up there and bring him some dinner during the holidays. We go up there as often as every other day, and at least once a week. We call him and check up on him and we take really good care of him. He doesn't mind being alone, and he's not alone all the time as I have just pointed out.

As for me feeling suspicious about the neighbors being helpful? Well, it was around 14-16 years ago, I was about 4 or 5, we had a huge family of Samoyeds when we lived there. My mom absolutely adored this one she named "Blue," who was born with heterochromea, which meant he had one brown eye and one bright blue eye. I remember that dog so well. A few months later, my dogs kept getting picked off one by one. Someone was poisoning them. One night, Blue was found dead by my house and my mom flipped out. She was so upset. We called the police and had an investigation. They did an autopsy, but found nothing. My parents were absolutely certain it was the neighbors. We couldn't nab them because of lack of fucking evidence. I can't believe some fucker could be so horrendously twisted to do such a thing. We think it happened because the dogs sometimes ran out of the yard and into others' yards and barked at night. The poisonings happened in two waves. But the way our neighbors talked, we knew it was them.

My mom told me that those neighbors who had previously poisoned the dogs 14-16 years ago, and who was being so nice to my uncle, had been up there and found out there was no water and that the place was in shambles and called the fucking health department. The cops were there and they hauled him away in a cruiser. MY FUCKING GOD!! I can't fucking believe those cocksucking ASSHOLES! I can't even imagine what my uncle was thinking. He's not always in the right state of mind, he probably thought he was being arrested for something. He's now being held in a goddamn mental facility. A FUCKING NUT HOUSE. FOR WHAT!? HE'S NOT FUCKING INSANE!!

My brother and dad missed work because they were going to try and get him out, they told them that he's being held there for 72 hours and he's not allowed any contact with us. BULL FUCKING SHIT!

Do you wanna know how we found out about this? No proper authority came to our house and notified us about it. No. My uncle's neighbors (not the bad ones, these ones are helping us out..) came and tried to tell us. My mom didn't answer 'cause she had no idea who it was, but she saw who it was as they were leaving, so she thought something happened to my uncle. My brother and mom went up there to check and he was gone. One of the jerks who were up there left a note on the table. They went to the good neighbor's house and he told them what had happened. When they got home, my dad called the number on the note and found out more from them.

If they hadn't gone up there, we wouldn't even know that he had been taken away. I fucking hate those assholes. I'm so sure they believe they were "doing the right thing," too. That is what they'll say when they're confronted. They're the most malevolent sons of bitches. Fucking assholes. They've been wanting to rent land from my uncle, my mom tells me, and since it was rented out, they got pissed off and this is probably they're way of getting back at us. Now that my uncle's out of the way and he might have to move, they think they can have that land. FUCK THAT SHIT!!

This brings me to my next thing; the health people are probably going to condemn the place, meaning he'll no longer get to live there. So either he lives with us, or he'll have to go to a nursing home. We'd never let him go to a nursing home where he'd be mistreated and they'd suck his money dry and force us to lose the land. They also won't let him put a new trailer on the land because it's against some fucked up ordinance. SINCE WHEN IS IT ANYONE'S MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS WHAT ANYONE ELSE PUTS ON THEIR LAND!?

This means that we'll probably lose the trailer either way. I don't care if the place is a fucking dump. I fucking grew up there. It's where I spent the first eight years of my life. Every motherfucking time I go up there I'm caught up in memories and now it's all going to be lost because some STUPID FUCKING CUNT CAN'T MIND THEIR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? Who do they think they are trespassing onto property that they have ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT being on in the first place and fucking tattling to the authorities about it!?

Later, my mom called my aunt and talked to her about it, my aunt then called the sheriff's department to get answers. She found out that he's literally in a mental institution, in non-PC terms: a crazy house. HE DOESN'T BELONG THERE!! She also got info from a cop that he's not the reason he's in there. He's in there because of a "complaint" and because the house is "unlivable." First of all, WHO THE HELL ARE THOSE ASS BACKWARDS COCKSUCKING NEIGHBORS TO FUCKING COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S LIVING CONDITIONS!? IT'S NOT DETRIMENTAL TO THEM!! MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS! HE DOESN'T MIND LIVING THAT WAY! LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE! My mom has power of attorney or something like that that is supposed to override their ban on us communicating with him, but apparently that doesn't matter. Uhm. WHAT!?

On the plus side, if they want to accuse us of abusing us or neglecting him, we have more than enough people who can testify that we in fact have taken good care of him. Everything was just fine, just fucking fine, and these dirty pricks come in and stir up trouble. And that is EXACTLY what they were trying to do. If they were really trying to help, they would have come to US.

I keep saying we should nail them on the counts of TRESPASSING. They have NO RIGHT to be there whatsofuckingever. My uncle is 82 years old and he has lived there his whole life and they have the nerve to just rip him out of there and haul him off in a patrol car like he's some criminal? WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY THINKING!? THAT'S FUCKING WRONG. You don't do that to an old man. He has no fucking idea what they're doing. You don't force him out of his home when he's lived there all those years and he's that old. Just let him be and let him live where the fuck he wants.

More than a few times today I was taken back to when my dogs were poisoned and died all those years ago. It was fucking horrible. And the worst part is, those bastards got away with it. I remember one time I'd come across another dead dog. His eyes were open and he looked like he was fucking alive. I'll never forget that. It makes me sick and livid at the same time.

My uncle has 12+ cats up there and I'm worried about their safety. Those shitheads better leave those cats alone. If one is dead, missing, or if so much as a hair is missing from one of them, I will hold them responsible and I will go after them myself. I was especially worried after remembering what they had done to my dogs.

I am so fucking sick of one thing after another happening to my family, and all of it being bad, NEVER GOOD. Those fucking assholes. How dare they do that. I hope the ABSOLUTE WORSE POSSIBLE THING befalls those people. I would not shed a single tear, lose any sleep or feel so much as a twinge of remorse. I am sick to my stomach of horrible human beings getting away with doing shitty things to people who don't deserve it. I am begging the universe to PLEASE GIVE THESE WORTHLESS CUNTS WHAT THEY DESERVE!! Please let justice be served! Make them feel the pain and trouble they've caused us and probably other people. What the fuck did we do to them or anyone to deserve this bullshit? I hope they suffer for what they've done. And I don't give a rat's ass if that makes me a cruel person. I want justice. I'm not cruel, they are. AND SO HELP ME GOD if I EVER get the chance to get payback on them, I WILL TAKE IT and I WILL make them the sorriest sons of bitches in the fucking world.

I am not one to ever wish anything this bad on anyone but this is serious. What they did is twisted, sick, unforgivable, dispicable and full of contempt.

I'm probably forgetting some details.. but if I remember I'll post them up on this entry. If you read all of this.. thank you.