Woven Cognition

Don't remember a lot from Thursday. Other than that I played with Gaby on Live and Michael was voted off AI. I was so mad about that! Oh, and I had trouble with brushes. Blah.Also, dealing with sleeping problems sucks.

My sleep schedule continued to plague me on Friday. I was about to go to sleep but then I had a head explosion and couldn't go back to sleep. Then, it started thundering and lightning outside. So, I just stayed awake for a long time. I finally went to bed around 2:30 after talking to Megan a couple times, MySpacin' and Eccoin' and breakfastin'.

I had a provocative dream involving one of my friends. It ended up being a wet dream in a weird way. It was bizarre, but erotic. I haven't had one of those in a really long time. Like, since I was 14. Lmao. I know you thought that was TMI. OH WELL!!! Then, I woke up late while Degrassi was on. Not much else of interest that day.

Last Saturday was warm and windy, this Saturday started off cold and snowy. Ugh. We have the most fucked up weather in Wisconsin. By the time I woke up, most of the snow had melted. Thank god! That night, I just decided to play Halo 3 on Xbox Live. I'm glad I did. It was a lot of fun. And really, the first time I actually avidly played it. Usually I play it sporadically and for like an hour at a time. I played from midnight to 4 am. I'm REALLY immersed in it, now. I even encountered this little asshole kid who talked shit to me. Lmao. He must've been younger than 12. He kept calling me a "disease" because of my gamertag. Ha. Whatever. I kicked his scrawny little ass and told him off afterwards. Bet he didn't see that coming. Looking at the video of the match, he just pussed around most of the game and went into hiding after I killed him. HAHA!! LOSER!!

I don't recall much of Sunday.. moving on.. I went to sleep EARLY on Sunday night/Monday morning at about 2 am. Then, I woke up suddenly at 6 am. Couldn't get back to slleep, and I was wide awake anyway, so I stayed up. Monday was strange. I felt fine for the first few hours, continued playing more of Halo. Which I had been doing every day since Saturday night. My mom wanted me to help with yard work, which I would have done, but I started feeling dizzy and had a headache. I think it's from lack of sleep and that I was up for a while by then. Then, my mom got a call from my dad saying the hood on the car flew back and broke the windshield when him and my bro were on their way to work. My dad accidentally didn't close it right when they were at the gas station. They're both alright. No injuries. The windshield needs to be replaced. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. The hood is all bent up, too.

I went to sleep after they came back home and slept for 5 hours. 3-8. Longer than I expected to. I felt bad, because it was such a nice day outside and I missed out on it. I also feel bad for not helping my mom outside, but I felt sick. I had an odd dream, in it I was at my house with my family and some guy came home with my brother. He was like some sort of lawyer. While he was here, three helicopters crashed in our yard. It wasn't a HUGE deal for some reason. To my family, it kinda was a mere disturbance, but no one else in the neighborhood seemed to notice. The copters were kinda small, too. There were people camped out in the backyard and we went out and talked to them and found out they were the reason the crashes happened and apparently there were seven building explosions in the news, they were also behind them. The man who came to our house was also involved. It ended there. It was so strange. I played it in my head afterwards and added more to it. It'd make a cool story or video game or movie..

It was so cool in my room when I woke up, the window was open and it was windy and the fan was blowing. I'm lame. I'm a sucker for nice weather, though. My dad randomly bought a new car. I watched After Dark on ShoToo and kept watching after it was over. There was this movie on after it called Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, which was kinda disturbing in some parts. It basically emulated popular urban legends. One part, this girl gets bitten by a spider and wakes up the next morning to see the bite on her cheek, she pops it, then spiders crawl out of the popped bite like crazy. Like millions of them. Then she bashes her head against the mirror and spiders pour out of her head. It was really disgusting. I fucking HATE spiders. At leas they're only myths. I think I played more Halo after that or something.. can't remember. Then, this movie called The Roost was on when I came back.. I saw the end of it. It was weird.

Slept for only a few hours because I was gonna meet Gaby on Live and my mom wanted me to wake her up at 8:30 so she could take my uncle to his doctor's appointment. Gaby and I had so much fun as usual. This time we actually playe with others in Big Team Slayer and Team Doubles. I normally only play Slayer on Rumble Pit. It was cool to branch out for once, and it's not so bad doing those other games I thought I'd suck at and wouldn't ike. I had Java Monster, an eclair torte and popcorn for breakfast. Lmao. I had been playing in ranked matches since Sunday or Monday and getting my skill level up mainly in Lone Wolves, so I continued with that on Tuesday.. I'm doing good in there. I usually get 2nd place or higher. I wanna get more wins, though.. not just 2nd place all the time.

I met some cool new people, no bratty kids. I sent three of them messages. One of them in particular, I wanted a response from and I had sent him the message while he was offline, and I noticed later that he was online, but did not respond to me, so I was kinda bummed about that. I was feeling sick again later. I think it was from lack of sleep once again. I think I get emotionally and mentally distraught when I'm sleep deprived. I slept until American Idol was 15 minutes over and felt a lot better. Watched AI, then BB9. I'm pissed I missed some of AI. I was pissed at myself again for missing out on a gorgeous day. It was warm and windy.. REALLY windy outside. I LOVE weather like that. The night was still stellar, so I went out and jumped on my trampoline that night. The moon was pretty much full and illuminated the sky. Perfect.

I avoided a potentially bad situation that night when I scratched my Rihanna CD really bad. I was freaking pissed. I tried rubbing it away, but wouldn't dissipate. The CD skipped, too. BAH!! So, I borrowed the DVD resurfacer and THANKFULLY it's good as new. It plays just fine now. Phew. Thank god for DVD doctors.. I was afraid it wouldn't work. I can still see the scratches, but it works nonetheless. I also noticed on Xbox Live's website, that I got a message back from one of the guys I talked to on Halo today. That was cool.

Woke up at 1 today (Wednesday) and went outside and enjoyed the amazing weather. Jumped on the trampoline for a while. It was still warm and windy. About 70 degrees today!I just chilled today.. didn't go on Live yet today. I also took a break from my daily workouts for a bit. I need to get back into that. I can't quit NOW.

Actually, I did go on Live for a minute today. I noticed I had 3 new messages. One of them was a friend request from the one guy I really wanted to hear back from and the other was a message from the third guy I talked to, plus the one from last night. I was happy about that! Surprised, too, because I didn't think he'd respond at all if he didn't respond right away. That rarely happens to me on MySpace. So, I was pretty tickled about that. XD

BB9 pissed me off. I'm so angry that Natalie got evicted! GRR!

Yeah, that's pretty much it.

Unfortunately, the day after my amazing day on Saturday wasn't so spectacular. I don't remember when the day began for me, so whatever. While I was watching Big Brother, I noticed across the street, a dead cat. I thought for the longest time that it was just a pile of snow, but the snow has all melted. I went to go check and sure enough, it was my cat that disappeared around Christmastime. I was more angry than sad. I was kinda expecting him to be dead. He must have been like that for a long time, since I noticed him there weeks ago, but I thought he was a pile of snow. I can't even tell where his face is. Poor kitty. I fucking hate people who run over animals. I can understand if it were an accident or if you can't help it. But I know there are people who purposely run over animals, and I seriously hope those people get what's coming to them. Maybe I should hop into a car and "accidentally" hit those people. OOPS!

Then Strommen found my "hidden" MySpace. How the fuck did he find me? I used a false name when registering and I have a fake location. Any friend I have on my "school safe" MySpace that I'm also friends with on my "hidden" one is private, therefore he can't find me through them. Fucking freak. Whatever. I really don't give a shit. It just really annoys me.

Finally, I really hurt the teeth on the left side of my mouth. It may be because I don't brush my teeth as much that I should, or that I bit on something really hard and jarred my mouth. Well, it hurt while I was eating after I bit on something really hard earlier. I thought I chipped a tooth, but I checked and nothing looks any different. I took some ibuprofen and put a cold gel pack up to my cheek which only killed some of the pain. The next morning, I thought it had gone away completely, but my cheek still hurt. Kinda in the same way that my face hurts sometimes, but worse and longer. I numbed my cheek and kept using cold compresses which would only work for a short amount of time.

Tuesday morning, I played on Live with Gaby and I noticed my face didn't hurt at all until a little while into playing with her. We actually got to play more for once. It was fun as always. I was pretty popular that day, I was getting calls and stuff from everyone. A short time after that, the little pain that was still there was now gone and it hasn't come back since. THANK YOU! I'll brush more often. I need to take better care of myself.

Uck. It snowed again last night, but luckily it's gone now. I also caught up on LG15 again. I was expecting A LOT to be different now, since I hadn't paid attention to it since the season 2 finale at the end of January (same day I got XBox Live! :D) but there wasn't much different, still a cool show anyway.

Watching American Idol Gives Back and Big Brother 9. James is gone! And Idol Gives Back is pretty cool, too.

Let's just say that these past few days have been absolutely amazing. It is a relief to finally be able to say that without sarcasm. All I have to say is thank you to whoever got me out of that depression mess.

Now, to elaborate; I'll start with Thursday night / Friday morning. I was watching Hostel on Showtime when I was considering going on Xbox Live to surprise my brother since I kinda have been avoiding it and have turned down all his requests for me to join him and his friends on there to play. I decided to return to Xbox Live and played Halo 3 with my brother and his friend, Chazz. I had a lot of fun! I'm getting back into the swing of it all and I don't give a shit what people say anymore. I won't let it ruin my fun. We played for a few hours. I had signal trouble at first, but it went away for the most part after a while.

The Heroic Map set is now free. I'm stoked. That was the original intention for buying those MPs a few months ago, but instead I bought Street Fighter II HF and Ecco the Dolphin instead. I didn't have enough points after that to buy it. Now it's free! Good things come to those who wait after all. I couldn't download it at the time, but I planned to later. After they signed off, I played FEAR, where I broke down more walls. I used to be shy on the mic and wouldn't talk to people I didn't know even if they talked to me first, I wouldn't even have the headset connected much of the time. Sometimes I'd have it connected, but muted. But this time I talked! It seems lame, but I think it's cool. It was great. I made some new friends. The first guy I talked to was British and had a thick accent. XD It was kinda hard to understand him sometimes, but it was all good.

Slept until 2, but woke up a few times before and thought it was like 7 at night, but it was only noon so I went back to bed. Haha. I wanted to watch the Degrassi Spring Break Movie. It was good.. but, it really wasn't a movie. It was just an hour long special. Movies, even made for TV movies are usually an hour and a half long without commercials. With commercials, 2 hours. Whatever. It was still good. Can't wait for new episodes next week.

I watched the videos of the games I played on Halo 3 the night before. Haha. Fun times. Took a bunch of screenshots, too.

I met this guy named Josh on MySpace on Tuesday the same way I met pretty much everyone else. But what wasn't the same was that he actually talks back to me unlike many other people! We messaged each other back and forth over the past few days. We talked about our lives, backgrounds, interests, being gay. XD All that. He added me on MSN and Yahoo last night/yesterday morning. We talked more about whatever. It's great getting to know him. He's such a great guy and he's only a year younger than me. One problem, he's taken. But you know, I'm more than happy to be friends with him.

Yesterday was such an incredible day. It was so fucking nice outside. The nicest day of the year so far. Warm, sunny and windy. The perfect trio. The night before, I asked my dad to fix my fan 'cause it's always so stuffy and warm in my room. He told me he was just gonna buy me a new one, which was really generous of him. My parents went up to my uncle's house while I was asleep, then came back and let me know they were going to town and I had to watch over the house. When they left I went outside and jumped on the tramp named Oline, which is just fine despite being outside for the duration of the long, cold winter. Surprising! I spent a lot of time outside and I felt so much better than I had all week... all month.. ALL YEAR! Being cooped up in my room during the winter sucks. What else am I to do, though? The fresh air and activity revitalized me.

When my parents came home, I ate and I talked to Josh and watched TV. Which is pretty much what I was doing before they came home, minus the eating. My new fan is slightly different than my old one, unfortunately. But it is new and it works great. It feels so nice to have a new, working fan. I hope it lasts a while. Especially knowing the way the summer is here..

Later, my parents, brother and I all played frisbee in the dark with this old '80s light up frisbee my mom won on eBay. It's not bad spending time with the family and I had fun. XD I was gonna go on my webcam but I got a headache. Bah. I didn't feel like it anymore. Talked to a million people for the rest of the night. On the phone, online and texting (online).

I just got added by this guy named Adrian and for once, soomeone who added me is cute!

Well, I'm gonna go to bed now since it's bright outside. Nyeh. Goodnight.. or morning, all! I'll keep you updated on my fabulous days to come!

Hey everybody. It's me, Chris, your undiagnosed insane blogger!

Before I get into Tuesday, there's something I forgot to mention that happened on Sunday night. While I was watching Big Brother 9, a firetruck went past my house. Nothing particularly out of the ordinary. Not until the fifth one in a row passed by and I realized it had to be some big fire or incident for that. They were going in the direction of  the town I lived, so I thought it was just further in the city, so I ran out to check what was going on. Turns out the problem wasn't in the city, it was at my new neighbor's house.

The firetrucks went down the lane leading to the house. I couldn't see any fire or smoke whatsoever. After I went outside, about three more firetrucks came through, plus some police cars and ambulances. We were all outside and there was such a commotion, cars were stopping and slowing down to see what happened. We couldn't tell. The house was too far away. The ambulance took somebody away, I'm sure. I got some pictures. The whole thing took about 10-15 minutes to clear up. It was crazy.  I hope no one was seriously hurt or worse..

To this day, I don't know what happened. It wasn't on the news and wasn't in the paper. The local papers come out on Friday and Saturday, so we'll see if it's on there.

Anyway, Tuesday was kinda.. shitty. I had a rough time getting to sleep. I fell asleep at midnight and only slept for four hours. Then, I couldn't get back to sleep until around 8 and by that time, it was so bright in my room from the sunlight. Needless to say, going to sleep wasn't going to be easy. I woke up a few hours later, and it was one of those times where it felt like I never fell asleep at all. Like I dozed off without myself noticing. I was crushed up against my headboard and my right arm was underneath me and was numb and cold, which along with my abrupt waking up from a not-feeling-like-sleep sleep freaked me out and I felt so disoriented for some reason. It was so fucked up.

I fell back asleep and I had a terrible nightmare. My house was invaded by these bad people and apparently there was a maze in my basement with other random good people in there. Well, I had a radar for some reason, so I could see them all running around down there. Then I see red dots which indicated bombs. The bombs were from the bad guys and they were killing the good guys with them.

Suddenly, I'm in the laundry room with one of the bad guys and I fall for a trap and I release a bomb switch, which looked like a window blinds pull thing caught on the laundry chute. The bad guy told me a bomb would go off in a certain amount of time. I guess I fell asleep during the dream and dreamt that I reversed time and didn't release the switch. But then I woke up and there was ony 60 seconds left to get out of the house before it would blow up. I got everyone out of the house, and run out myself. The sky looked like it was on fire and I aw a bus go by. Buses ALWAYS appear in my dreams. It was as if it were the time I usually wait for a bus to go to school. My mom and dad come outside soon, too. (Where are my brother and my uncle?) As time runs out, a fighter jet flies up directly above my house and I realize  that it wasn't a timer for a bomb in my house, it was a timer for an air raid. The jer started firing missiles down on my house, but then bullets from some unknown source (I didn't bother looking behind me) shot all the missiles down before they reached my house.

That's it. I like to think maybe it signifies something bad trying to get to me and my family, but fate won't let it happen.

HOW AWESOME WAS BB9!? Hahaha. So long, Joshuah. Now James needs to get the fuck OUT OF THERE.

I tried going to sleep early again last night. Failed. Stayed up on MySpace and talked to friends. Mostly new ones! I even talked to that freak, Dev on Yahoo. Fun, fun. Listened to random voice messages on Snapvine. I was pretty happy 'cause I found some things to block the sunlight out of my room while I'm trying to sleep. Yay for dark rooms! Gaby and I went on Xbox Live and played for a while. It was a lot of fun as always!

After that, I talked to Megan who got SUSPENDED and Drew who likes to steal clothes from people who are wearing them. Then I went to bed. I was sooo tired. Slept until about 6 and now here I am. Done and done.

Did I mention today is my half birthday? Six months to 20!

Alright. Here we go again. TRYING TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING THAT GOES ON IN MY BORING LIFE!! For the last time on here!

Let's see.. I left off on Easter. Both of my video games are awesome. If I hadn't stated that already. Thank god, too. I was worried they wouldn't be good, knowing my luck..

I still have been kinda paranoid about my health. But I know there's nothing wrong with me, so I just need to convince myself that. I am getting better though, feeling better physically and mentally.

Unfortunately, my sleep schedule keeps getting later and later and because my bed isn't the most comfortable bed ever, I keep waking up with a bad headache and neck pain. Blah.

Well, I'm officially announcing that I am over Richard. I know, I know. It's a huge shock. I bet a lot of you don't even know who I'm talking about, though. Haha. Thanks to GJ going down.  For me, the only thing that can break a crush is another man. But, since I haven't seen Richard in nearly a year, I suppose that'll do it, too.

Now, I'm searching for new guys. I've been making, or attempting to make new friends on MySpace. Hopefully t all works out.

I've been having some vivid dreams again. In one of them, I was in the Big Brother house again. I dunno if I talked about the other one I had a while ago. Anyway, in this one I was in the HOH room and I was stupefied because I was actually in the BB house and I was on TV. It was  a surreal feeling and above all, I was the first HOH of the season. It was pretty cool. XD

One night I had three dreams, the first one I was back in the trailer and there was some homophobe man sitting at the kitchen table antagonizing me and bossing me around and no one in my family would do anything about it, so I got a shotgun and killed him. The next one was interesting, I was at the trailer again and we were being attacked by really fat, evil pigeons. So, me and Kah ran to a truck and we started being attacked, so Kah used her powers to "purify" the truck, which meant making it spin in the air like a tornado to get rid of them. LMAO. So random. The last one I barely remember, I was at my current house and it had to do with my family sitting at the table and my parakeet. That's all I remember.

Brenda, Moriah and I also prank called people on Saturday. Good times for sure! XD

Today was the best day I had in a long time. I woke up early and played on Xbox Live with Gaby and we talked on there. It's been a while since we did that. It was a lot of fun! After that, I listened to music and found a great guy and just chilled out. It was great. I only had four hours of sleep, so I went back to bed after that for a few hours. The weather is amazing. It was supposed to snow, but it didn't.  Woke up, watched American Idol and Big Brother and that special about how you can live to be 150 years old. Yes, it was most definitely a good start to April. Besides having a headache.

New music on MySpace and YouTube videos have been keeping me happy. Yay broadband! I've been way more active on MySpace, too. It really is a lot of fun and I'm also introducing my friends to each other. I love doing that, and I love meeting new friends.



So, this is it, folks. I'm leaving IJ and LJ.. blogging is just becoming too much of a hassle. I just want to live and not have to worry about documenting it. If you want to stay in contact with me, check my userinfo page. Bye!














Gotcha. APRIL FOOLS!!

Forgive me for sounding brash.

But if one more homely homo hits on me on MySpace, I'm going to scream.

I'm really frustrated with the fact that I have to break my neck trying to get a hot guy just to look at me even once. And the hot guys that do flock to me end up being unstable in more ways than one. I have to beat off the unattractive and psychotic guys with a stick.

This man wants the full package.

If you're ugly but nice, sorry, I don't care if YOU THINK I sound like a shallow jerk (which I'm not). I'm happy to be friends with you. Nothing more. If you're hot but an asshole. You may be good for a fuck. No strings attached. Or just eye candy. Which can be savored any way I want.

I'd like to believe I'm a good looking, sane, nice guy. Why the fuck aren't the amazing men flocking to me? I'm way nicer and more open minded than most of the dicks that get everyone. Most people judge and look down on you for doing some reprehensible act. Me? I don't care.

Does this mean I have to tone things down? For some reason my personality is raising red flags and fending off the guys I want. I'm not ready to cheapen myself to get guys. But I'd rather do that than settle for some "nice" guy who I'm not attracted to AT ALL or become a male spinster.

After overcoming the spell of that one guy and his supposed ideal clique, I felt that I had come into my own and was finally comfortable with myself and would be the way I felt I needed to be from now on. I wouldn't change myself to be friends with someone or to be with anyone.

But after writing all this I guess I'm no different than I was back then. I'm still willing to change or at least hide myself just to gain attention from someone I want. It's like the long road I traveled was for nothing. Maybe I am a fake.

Man, I have been feeling my stress catch up to me these past couple days. I've been really exhausted lately. It might be me forcing myself to change my sleep schedule to something more convenient, but I become unbearably exhausted by the time 9 rolls around and that's odd. I wake up at 8 - 10 AM.. Soo. I don't get that.

Wednesday was the big ol' twist for Big Brother. I was so excited to see what it was. But RIGHT when the show began, I fell asleep. BAH! My sleep pattern really loves to spite me. I missed about 40 minutes of it. But my mom taped it so I watched that part afterward. We ordered from Fox's 'cause they're amazing. The twist was pretty much what I envisioned and that's a good thing. Earlier, I randomly stumbled upon this Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz on Newlyweds parody. It's so funny! I love Ashlee, and I'm pretty sure it's all in good fun. Not to be defamatory. But don't quote me on it. I SAID DON'T QUOTE ME, DAMMIT! Anyway, it's another thing I do to keep me from going back to the Dark Side™ as I have affectionately dubbed my negative moods.

Click. Click. Clicklcickclcicckclcckckck.

Damn the lack of embedding ability. I think the girl playing Ashlee looks so much like Jamie Lynn Spears.

I noticed that this change has caused me to have three new behaviors; mood swings, weird sleep patterns, and nonstop anger. You'll witness some of the latter in a later entry.

Next day was court. Luckily, I didn't have to go. But the hearing didn't go extraordinary. My mom and my uncle's neighbor, not the bad one, gave their testimony but were forced to leave before any of the opposing morons made theirs for whatever reason.. There's another hearing on the 19th.

I can't recall anything else of significance occuring on that day.. besides talking to Gaby, of course. :D Ooh, I'm finally back into watching As The World Turns. I missed that show. I hadn't been able to watch it for over a month. So much shit has happened so it's kinda hard to keep up. I also added this gorgeous guy on MySpace in hopes of being friends with him.

Friday's Degrassi was spectacular. Probably one of the best episodes I've seen in a while. One of the reasons I'm still watching. That and some syndicated shows I like such as Saved by the Bell and Sabrina are the only reasons I'll watch The N once South of Nowhere takes the dive. I passed out around 9. I am not exaggerating when I say that's the earliest I've gone to bed in probably five years at the very least.

Over the past few days I've been feeling myself come out of my depression/breakdown/crisis thing. But one thing I learned is that I guess I'm pretty fragile. Since the simplest things make me freak out as if I were back at the bottom again.

This morning I kinda hit another breaking point. Hot guy denied me. I just became so insecure and doubting of myself. I felt insecure because I so stupidly attach myself to people I literally have NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT. I can see one picture of a good looking guy. And if they're a right type of "good looking," I'll fall in love. It's retarded, I now. I think it's because I love to adorn these mystery men with all these amazing personal qualities and I reimagine it so much that it's like I was fed this information from someone else or that I personally witnessed it. I felt like such a fraud, too. For reasons I don't feel like going into at the moment. I quickly came out of it, though. Thankfully. I'm better now. Thanks to my friends. I made some more friends, too. They're pretty awesome. :D 

Brenda called me from work today and we talked a lot since there weren't many customers there and I talked to some of her coworkers. Lmao. I love her.

( Guess you'll get some ranting after all. )

Let's see.. what's been going on in the life me me lately..

I left off on Saturday. Not a lot happened on Sunday. About the most exciting thing that happened was the lightning storm. It thundered and lightninged and rained like crazy. It was pretty cool. It's a nice change of pace from the usual snow and no snow. Most of the snow stayed on the ground, though. I love lightning storms. I'm just not too crazy about them when they're right on me. I prefer them in the distance. I think it's more fun looking straight ahead to watch lightning straight than having the look above. That tends to be dangerous.

Monday wasn't so great. My mom woke me up to tell me that my uncle passed out and was unresponsive. My parents rushed there right away. I was very worried but I went back to sleep after they left. My mom came back home and told me he was fine. Thank god. She told me that he said the respirator he was on made him feel weird, then he became unresponsive and the nurses tried to get him out of that state. He could hear them but couldn't respond, then he blacked out and randomly woke out of it later. Yeah, they sure are responsible caretakers. They're setting a lovely example of how to REALLY take care of people, unlike us who are "negligent" and "unfit." FUCK THEM. Since he's been there, he's fallen once and now this happened. While he was in our care, he's barely had any mishaps. Stupid fucks. Not to mention his "guardian" wouldn't answer any of her phones. My god, what a dumb bitch.

I borrowed Rock Band from my brother. It's a hell of a lot of fun. :D I'm pretty good at it and I'm only a beginner.  I didn't go to sleep again until around 11 am. I found that Richard has another MySpace floating around. One that's way more informative than his other one. So I was pretty thrilled about that. I slept until 6 pm. Lmao. Watched AI for the first time in a while. I hate when all my shows are on at the same time. We're low on VCRs so I can't tape my other shows. Even if I could, I'd be too lazy to ever watch them later. I'm such a retard like that. Luckily they have TV online. Bu really, same rules apply. Then I watched BB. I'm so glad Matty is off the block! I can't wait to see what the new twist is gonna be and what the alarm means. I just saw a commercial about it. They say something about Big Brother not letting the evicted houseguests leave and that that's just the beginning of it! Hope it's juicy!

Did I mention that the nice guy lawyer who interviewed me stabbed us in the back and is actually a gigantic douchebag? He says he believes my uncle is incompetent and should have an appointed guardian. Cocksucking bastard.

For the past few days, I've been serial adding people on MySpace again. I DO NOT do it to boost my friend count, I do it to make new friends. LUCKILY most of them added me back this time! Sweet. My luck is coming back to me. I thought it might have been my new, more optimistic profile and possible outlook and it may be the latter. As for the profile, I accidentally forgot to save that. But I since fixed it. Haha. I hope they actually talk to me. As for the ones who didn't add me, whatever to them. Ruuuuude.

I felt so tired come midnight. I just wanted to go to sleep. Even though I'd only been awake for six hours. I went to bed at about half past midnight.. fell asleep a little after 1.. and woke up at 4. Wow. Three hours. Woohoo. I hate that I can only sleep for 3-4 hours at night, yet during the day I can sleep for half of it. I tried going back to sleep but as always that was a bust. I just stayed awake and kept myself amused.

Lately I've been reminiscing about the good times I had not so long ago. Man, I remember how the end of August 2007 felt. I felt so free and happy. It was like the spell of high school broke and I realized finally that I am an amazing person and I am worthwhile. I became more confident and worked hard on bettering myself in more ways than one. I got to meet my cousin Donnie again. He was a lot of fun to be around. I hadn't seen him since I was 4 so I barely remembered him at all. Apparently I was crazy about him when I was younger. September was more of the same. With school going on without me, it forced me to think about that. I miss the good times I had in school. Especially senior year. I miss 8th hour study hall. I miss my friends, the times I had in school that were fun, of course the crushes. End of September Donnie came back. I was making a lot of new friends albeit online but still. I had my friends around me. I didn't feel lonely at all despite missing Richard like fucking crazy.

Everything felt new and exciting. I turned 19 and I had such a fantastic birthday. Many would consider a great 19th getting plastered with friends and getting laid but I had fun staying up until almost 6 AM; it still being dark out and the moon was directly above my head. It was gorgeous outside, there was a nice breeze. I jumped on the trampoline to celebrate my freedom. Because I could stay up that late and do that now. I didn't have to worry about going back to that oppressive school anymore or ever take orders from anybody again. I felt to alive. With fear of not having a birthday at all, waking up and knowing I'd have one was a lot more exciting. I just went to town with my mom and talked on the phone with friend while she got some gifts. Then later I celebrated my birthday with my family and even some extended family. Donnie left the next day and even that day was good. October remained a great month. I made more friends and even had a memorable Halloween.

End of October, beginning of November I came out of my graduate break early because my mom suggested to me this career path that she knew was right up my alley so I got right to work on that. December, kept working hard at it. I also continued to make friends on other venues. I forced myself to stay positive, even in the line of trouble. I was still able to breathe easy. It wasn't until December ended hat my ease went with it. And I refuse to let negative emotion take precedence of my life any longer.

I guess there are some golden moments in everyone's year. Mine for 2006 that I remember well was in December. I recall always wanting to go back to that month. It was flawless. But it seems like things are on an up hill climb for me. I just hope that's true and that I keep climbing.