Woven Cognition

I'm technically not back yet. My computer is still a piece of shit. I can barely read what I'm typing, so here we go. I'm only doing this because if I were to wait a couple decades down the road when I finally get this invalid fixed, I don't have to make a ten thousand page update and wrack my brain trying to remember what I did and when. I have OCD like that.

Ever since I got Live, my sleep schedule has changed from normal for other people ; in bed at around 10 - 12, to normal for me; in bed any time after 5 AM. That's not necessarily good. I hate waking up in the middle of the day, a few hours from sunset. Although with the way the weather's been going, I haven't seen the sun in weeks, anyway. Above that, I feel extremely lethargic. My body aches, my head hurts, I feel sick.

But hey, Live is pretty wicked. Which is what I've been doing to kill boredom that being on a working computer usually takes care of, but mostly watching season three of The OC. That covers most of what happened on Monday. I'm improving a lot on my Street Fighter skills, mosly for Live. Competing against other real live people, often ninjas and savants, is a far different story than fighting against the computer. People have the margin for improvement and growth, whereas the margin for a computer is previously set. The story stays the same about me improving for other games, too. I'm getting pretty far in Ecco. I just love classic games. Many times I'd rather play the classics than the new ones.

Ecco is a hard bitch ass game. No wonder I barely got anywhere when I first played it when I was like five. Not to mention traumatizing. Especially to those with arachnophobia. No spiders, but plenty of Octopi and sea spiders. *shudder*

On Live, you have a Rep, which is a representation of your reputation on there. It's calculated in five stars. Everytime you play a game and/or someone marks you as a preferred player, your rep goes up. It fills up a star a little bit at a time. I believe I started off with three stars when I began. Well, I'm close to a full five, so I checked my Rep and yesterday, it said I had 100% positive rating. Well, this time I checked it said I had a 66% preferred rating, and 34% avoided me. I was floored. I didn't get it. I did nothing wrong to anybody. I was nice, didn't cheat. Hell, I even sucked at it compared to those people. What the fuck? What I also didn't understand was why my rating was higher than before if people were setting me as 'avoid'. Another thing is that if you give people a bad rating/avoid them, you have to give a reason. And you have a details section in your rep breakdown, and it gives you a percentage of what people who chose to avoid you gave a reason as to why they did that. You can choose from six reasons, and all mine read 0%. So, I'm completely confused. I thought it was a glitch or a mistake. But it's still like that, and I turned it off and on.

My guess is that maybe someone can choose to avoid you without lowering your Rep. I don't know for sure. I gave one person a bad Rep for talking shit, being an asshole and a bad sport. It says in the help that it 'may or may not affect your rep' if you avoid someone. I can understand separating the two entities, though. I just don't remember having that option. Maybe the next time I play with some douche, I'll pay more attention when I send him a bad rep.

On Tuesday, my mom found a way to secure me a copy of season four of The OC, since it was highly doubtful I'd be able to run and get it before the week was done. She bought it online at Best Buy and it's ready and reserved for me for eight days. I'll be getting it on Saturday. So, I'll probably have it before I'm finished with season three. I'm on disc 4/7.

That's what I did most of the day on Tuesday, too. I'm hella lazy. Just been feeling like shit, you know? Drew called and we talked for like two hours. Unfortunately, I shouldn't do that. That's the reason I got my phone turned off. Using it too much outside of free hours. I only have like less than 220 minutes left. I also watched American Idol and One Tree Hill. OTH is still good, but it's dramatically different from all the seasons. I'm assuming it's different from season four, too. Since I never saw season four. It just seems really toned down and too different. It just jumped into a whole new realm without anyone being able to get used to it.

That night, Megan and I talked for three hours. Longest phone call we had in forever. I'm glad we're able to do that. It's fun being able to talk about stuff and how things were back when we met. All the people we were friends with and who were around back then. That a lot of our friends and the people who we saw consider that one of the best times of their life. And now it's all gone and we're just all depressed about it. I guess the only thing that sucks more about it being gone is that we can't have it back to the way it was. It'll never be the same again.

I had a disturbing dream today. Unfortunately, I can't remember all of it. I remember at one point, some of my brother's friends come over and when I tell them I'm not going to college, they tell me I have to, that I MUST. And I argued with them, telling them I absolutely will not.

Then, another part of the dream, I'm in some room with a bunch of people I've never met. One of them attacks me and tries to stab me with a knife and ends up slashing my left wrist. After that, I left and told them all to stay in the room. I put the knife in the bathroom and bled a little on the counter and I told my brother and his friends what happened. I wasn't all frantic about it or concerned with the people or the person who did it. It was kinda just nonchalant, as I had left someone who tried to kill me in an unlocked room with windows unattended. We all go back there to find that they all left and we go out looking for them. All I remember is that the sun was just below the horizon and there was a gorgeous twilight.

I think I've been having weird dreams a lot lately. I just can't recollect them. Ever since Donnie came here and I've been sleeping in my own uncomfortable bed. I haven't seen or visited with Donnie much since he came here. I've just been feeling so crappy that I've been lazing around my room all day. Usually he leaves before I wake up and when he comes back at night, I'm on the phone or playing games.

Today is no exception. Still boring. Haven't felt like doing anything but getting farther in season three. Yay! I love The OC. I like it a lot more than Degrassi, actually. Okay, well this entry is getting long. I've had a boring three days, and look at how much I can go on about it?

I'm going to make an actual update for today..

Well, this morning started on a rather disturbing note. Regarding a nightmare I had, I don't remember the first part anymore, unfortunately. But, in the end of it I was looking out the patio window, and above the trees, in the distance, I saw a huge plume cloud of fire. I freaked out because I thought it was a nuke. My family and I ran outside to see that it was actually my neighbor's house that blew up completely. But, the house was to the left of mine where the church is right now.. It was really scary, and I was thinking about how the other people in the community would feel about it.. especially Richard. I'm not exactly sure why.

The day started off well.. sorta. I felt awful, but I took some medicine and my headache went away. I watched ATWT and then went online and proceeded to fuck around, doing the normal things I usually do..

Then I found out that Heath Ledger died and I was completely floored. I was in utter shock and disbelief, and I still am now. It's another case of one minute they're there, the next they're gone. It's so fucking tragic. I thought it was shocking to find out he split up with Michelle Williams, but this is too unreal. He's just not someone you ever picture dying. Ever. I've been reading about it everywhere. Some people on the Facebook groups and IMDB boards are fucking assholes. They write the dumbest, most heartless shit. People said others had no room to mourn him because they didn't know him personally and that he didn't deserve to be missed/he wasn't a good person because he played a gay man in Brokeback Mountain. FUCK THEM! Fucking seriously, those people can rot in hell. I have no tolerance for that bullshit at all.

Some people just make me sick. On IMDB, they were making a game out of who will die next. Laughing and joking how "funny" it would be if Britney Spears or someone else would die. I mean seriously? Grow up and seek psychiatric help. Call me crazy, but I don't think death is a very humorous subject. Unless it's dealt to some horrible human being who actually wears that title loosely. I fall to pieces whenever death hits relatively close because I HATE IT.

Nevertheless, that news really darkened my day and I'm really sad that he's gone. He had so much ahead of him. I told my mom and she couldn't believe it either. She told me "these things happen in threes," and that it happened to Brad Renfro last week, which I knew already and Suzanne Pleshette died a few days ago.. so I guess that's three.. It still shouldn't have happened. I feel bad for Michelle and their daughter Matilda.

RIP Heath Ledger, you will be missed.

On a lighter note, I did watch American Idol and One Tree Hill later on, which brightened my mood up a bit. OTH is so different now. They don't even have a theme song. My brother burned me a copy of the CD I got him for his birthday. Oh, he loved the card and gift, by the way. The Donnas' "Bitchin'" is really good!

I guess that's all. My dad and brother are stranded at work.. we can't get to them, so.. I guess we'll see what happens. This day blows. Later.

I had a much better day today than yesterday. The refinance money FINALLY came to us in the mail today. It was funny, because my mom stepped out for a few minutes and asked me to watch for the UPS guy to come and sign the paper if she wasn't back in time. Well, she came back and they hadn't come yet. We saw the UPS truck go down the lane next to my house, and my dad opened the door and there it was in the doorway. I KNEW I heard a noise of some sort. Strange they didn't ask for a signature, or even ring the doorbell at least. But, whatever. I'm not complaining.

Well, last week Friday I was looking at AE.com at the clothes I wanted for Christmas part 2, and the prices were at an incredibly low price! So I told my mom about it ASAP, and I even found another shirt for a good deal. They were only available on the website, but my mom didn't have enough money in her account to pay for it. So, we had to wait 'til today to buy them. I was worried they'd no longer be available, but they were. And she ordered 'em. Wo0t!

My brother got an XBox 360 Elite. I'm jealous, but it's cool! Then we got food from Fox's. Oh my god, their food is orgasmic. I love ordering from there. I was stuffed. It's rare that that happens to me. I spent the day watching SOAP Net. Lmao. Then I watched American Idol. Entertaining as always. And some hot guys went through. Yay! I hope there's even more that'll stick around for a long time!

I had an enormous headache today, and I ended up taking a lot of aspirin for it. Finally, it's gone. Watched One Tree Hill also. I need to watch the 4th season. This season is so much different than the others, but it's good. By the way.. Omgwtfk-fed?

P.S. I miss Richard. ;_;