Woven Cognition

I slept really well. Dawn looked amazing so I snapped some pictures. I'm always taking pictures of random things like skyscapes and when I win on Xbox Live. Lmao. I'm fairly certain I had some sort of eccentric dream before waking up, earlier than usual I might add, but I don't remember it. I had some sort of sexual fantasy when I woke up at 1, which is why I'm thinking I had a dirty dream prior which fueled that fantasy.

My mom "woke me up" and told me that some lawyer.. person.. dude.. guy had to interview me and my brother on the phone like NOW in relation to my uncle. He told her to tell me not to be worried, that he's not looking to find something wrong and that he's not a bad person and that he's not gonna exploit me or whatever. He needed to know if I wanted to be my uncle's power of attorney and some information about the housing situation. It'd only be a couple minutes but I still didn't wanna do it. She also told me I'd have to go with her and my brother to have an in-person interview with my uncle's actual lawyer on a later day. Ugh.

Well, we were waiting for everyone to be ready and then my mom called his office. We had to do this before my brother and dad left for work.. which was in like 20 mins at that point. Well.. he had since left for an appointment. His secretary didn't know when he'd be back. I was kinda relieved but at the same time not. I just wanted to get it over with. I hate stressors. I suggested he could interview me alone if he called later and he could interview my brother tomorrow so they could leave for work. He never called. I was gonna go back to sleep after that, but I figured I'd stay up in case he did call so I would be ready.

My mom and I were about to clean up a bit in case one of those fucking feds came to inspect our living conditions but we were about to have company. So I just went to my room and laid down and ended up falling asleep. That's when I had the more memorable dreams. I dreamt about meeting Megan for the millionth time.. and about a bunch of people getting in some sort of trouble. Can't really remember.

My mom woke me up with perch and then I proceeded to do online stuff and listen to music and watch videos until BB9 came on. It was an intense episode. Wow. I saw some of the things that went on on the live feeds/YouTube and BB blogs but they showed a bit more. It was crazy. I won't spoil it. Afterwards, I helped my mom with more cleaning.

I really can't wait until Ashlee Simpson's new CD!

We're all put in hard situations for a reason. The reason is there's a problem. We'll stay within that situation until we find a solution. Only then are we allowed to leave and go back home. I've been in this place many times before and I have tasted the sweetness of freedom. I know what it's like. But there is no backdoor. The only way for me to get through this is to wait it out. Once it's done I hope it leaves me stronger so that I never have to come back.

I'm going to talk about random things again.. When I was young, I asked my grandma who her kids were and she told me that my dad was her kid. I didn't believe her. I was incredulous to the fact that kids eventually grew up. I've known all my life that I was gay. But somehow I still felt feelings for girls. "Cool looking" guys gave me erections when I was little. I've been swearing my whole life. I became a pervert when I was 10 years old; I used to hate it, now I love it. I got my first kiss when I was 7 years old. The amount of times I ever went to church can be counted on the hand of one of Jigsaw's victims. I faked sick for a week to miss a week's worth of school. That week plus the subsequent weekend and the previous winter break totaled my time away from school as 18 days.I slipped and smacked my head on the edge of a concrete gutter when I was about 6 and bled all over the place. I got away without needing stitches. My first conscious ejaculation was when I was 14 and it was to the last person you'd ever expect. I love all music but my favorite genre is shamelessly pop. The farthest I've been out of state is to Illinois. Nickelodeon was once my favorite channel. Then it sold out and I hate it. I still remember the name of the first person I ever had an actual one-on-one online conversation with. I just wish I could've talked to them again. Thinking of my online past makes me feel sad because I made so many wonderful friends on TalkCity chatrooms and now I'll never see them again. Not unless they organize "TalkCity Reunion: Class of '99"

Maybe I'll add to this later.. but for now the rest can be a mystery.

How about the drama going on in the BB house with Amanda, Allison and Natalie?

Right now I feel like updating but there really isn't any logical reason for updating. So I suppose I'll just talk about random things. Let's see.. current things that are annoying me right now is my uncanny lack of luck, my anxiety and OCD, Matthew Lush... I fucking HATE Matthew Lush. I don't believe in the notion that all gays should stick together. Because that's like saying all humans should stick together and obviously that's not going to happen in the near or far future. I think he's just in it for the fame and he has such ridiculous frames of thought, "If you eat meat, you're a homophobe." What the fuck? I like Chris Crocker more than Matthew Lush. I don't say that because I hate Chris Crocker. I say it because many people consider Lush the "gay god," while Crocker is seen as a crazy guy defending Britney's honor. I'd rather watch some guy in makeup make fun of his grandma than some camera whore piss and moan about how horrible McDonald's is.

Another thing that's annoying me is that whenever I go look at BB9 videos on YouTube, there's a barrage of people from England crying about how America stole the show from them and that's all America ever does. FYI, America's edition of BB aired before UK, and BB adopted it from Netherlands. I also get pissed when I see anti-American, pro-English groups on Facebook. The ones where English people list a gratuitous amount of reasons why England/English people are superior to America/American people. Then they have the gall to say Americans stereotype them when they make the aforementioned lists which are FULL of American stereotypes, that we're all fat and stupid. I'm not fat and I'm not stupid. So shove off. And don't tell me how to spell "favorite" or any other 'o' vs. 'ou' words. They're not "spelled wrong," we do it differently. Quit acting like we owe you EVERYTHING and that we need to do things exactly like you as if we're England part 2. I do believe America was discovered by the SPANISH!!!!!! Christopher Columbus. I am by no means a racist nor do I discriminate certain kinds of people. I only say English people in particular because I've encountered the most of that kind of trouble from them. I know there are awesome English people, some of them are my friends. I just can't stand egotistic, bigotted bastards.

I've decided to boycott The N for the most part. That channel just completely sold out. All they do is play reruns of crappy Nickelodeon shows or other syndicated shows. Notice how I said CRAPPY Nick shows? They could play some nice Nick classics. But nope. You'll be hard pressed to see them air their own original programming. They cancelled many of their original shows. Hell, even shows that were anticipated to air were already nixed. Yeah. Extremely retarded on their part. Unless they decide to rename the channel "The Rerun Network" or "Every Show On This Network is Already Being Broadcasted On Other Networks!" Ironically, I'm watching it right now. Only because there's nothing else on.

It pisses me off when people diss things I like to my face. I don't do it to you so don't do it to me. I hate when I forget something. It bugs me when people call at the most inconvenient times when they KNOW I'm already doing something. ..When people show disdain for my preference in anything, what I wear, what I do. Psh. Excuse me, when did you become so important that you think you're allowed to pass judgement on me? ..When people think marijuana is a drug, that it's bad and harmful. Kids, it's not. I'll end it here before it becomes a blatant hate entry.

Now for things I like. Honestly, it's harder to come up with a big list of all that. It's just easier to think of peeves in times like these. I love the feeling of rediscovering a prized gem from the past. A video games unplayed in years, a movie I haven't seen in forever, a song I forgot existed. Finding new pictures of my favorite famous people. When he updates his MySpace. Waking up the morning after a horrible night, knowing I got through it and that it's over. Those times I saw him in the hall. Feeling completely down and turned off to every possible thing to kill my boredom and take my mind off the depression, then suddenly the best idea comes to mind. Seeing the one I like in person, especially when it's unexpected. Falling in love with someone new. Anytime I get something new. Whenever I get something I've been wanting for a while that I can get excited about. When things work out against all odds. Confidence. Being able to breathe. Knowing everything will be alright. The feeling I get when I think of him.