Woven Cognition

Man, I have been feeling my stress catch up to me these past couple days. I've been really exhausted lately. It might be me forcing myself to change my sleep schedule to something more convenient, but I become unbearably exhausted by the time 9 rolls around and that's odd. I wake up at 8 - 10 AM.. Soo. I don't get that.

Wednesday was the big ol' twist for Big Brother. I was so excited to see what it was. But RIGHT when the show began, I fell asleep. BAH! My sleep pattern really loves to spite me. I missed about 40 minutes of it. But my mom taped it so I watched that part afterward. We ordered from Fox's 'cause they're amazing. The twist was pretty much what I envisioned and that's a good thing. Earlier, I randomly stumbled upon this Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz on Newlyweds parody. It's so funny! I love Ashlee, and I'm pretty sure it's all in good fun. Not to be defamatory. But don't quote me on it. I SAID DON'T QUOTE ME, DAMMIT! Anyway, it's another thing I do to keep me from going back to the Dark Side™ as I have affectionately dubbed my negative moods.

Click. Click. Clicklcickclcicckclcckckck.

Damn the lack of embedding ability. I think the girl playing Ashlee looks so much like Jamie Lynn Spears.

I noticed that this change has caused me to have three new behaviors; mood swings, weird sleep patterns, and nonstop anger. You'll witness some of the latter in a later entry.

Next day was court. Luckily, I didn't have to go. But the hearing didn't go extraordinary. My mom and my uncle's neighbor, not the bad one, gave their testimony but were forced to leave before any of the opposing morons made theirs for whatever reason.. There's another hearing on the 19th.

I can't recall anything else of significance occuring on that day.. besides talking to Gaby, of course. :D Ooh, I'm finally back into watching As The World Turns. I missed that show. I hadn't been able to watch it for over a month. So much shit has happened so it's kinda hard to keep up. I also added this gorgeous guy on MySpace in hopes of being friends with him.

Friday's Degrassi was spectacular. Probably one of the best episodes I've seen in a while. One of the reasons I'm still watching. That and some syndicated shows I like such as Saved by the Bell and Sabrina are the only reasons I'll watch The N once South of Nowhere takes the dive. I passed out around 9. I am not exaggerating when I say that's the earliest I've gone to bed in probably five years at the very least.

Over the past few days I've been feeling myself come out of my depression/breakdown/crisis thing. But one thing I learned is that I guess I'm pretty fragile. Since the simplest things make me freak out as if I were back at the bottom again.

This morning I kinda hit another breaking point. Hot guy denied me. I just became so insecure and doubting of myself. I felt insecure because I so stupidly attach myself to people I literally have NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT. I can see one picture of a good looking guy. And if they're a right type of "good looking," I'll fall in love. It's retarded, I now. I think it's because I love to adorn these mystery men with all these amazing personal qualities and I reimagine it so much that it's like I was fed this information from someone else or that I personally witnessed it. I felt like such a fraud, too. For reasons I don't feel like going into at the moment. I quickly came out of it, though. Thankfully. I'm better now. Thanks to my friends. I made some more friends, too. They're pretty awesome. :D 

Brenda called me from work today and we talked a lot since there weren't many customers there and I talked to some of her coworkers. Lmao. I love her.

( Guess you'll get some ranting after all. )

I've changed my custom personal-made layout for the time being. I'm simply experimenting. I really hope IJ steps up and makes their other layouts more customizable. Of course, I'm sure I need to pay for it.. >>

My background with this layout would be so boss. I hate the other layout. Okay, maybe it wouldn't be that cool coupled together, but I'd still like to tweak some things and maybe make a different background. Whatever. CUSTOMIZATION WOULD BE COOL!

I'm still finding it hard to believe Heath is gone. What the hell? So unbelievable.

What do I have to look forward to? Well, Christmas Part 2 is Saturday.. I can't help but feel less than excited. I just feel like I don't deserve to or that I shouldn't.

I'm really sick of all the bad luck my family has to face. I just need to drive to the middle of a desert and blow up because I feel that all this pressure from the weight I'm carrying is crushing my shoulders. I must set aside my humbleness; most people probably would have broken by now from all the stress that I've had to deal with but I'm still going. I think if something doesn't happen, I'm going to snap. Knowing me and knowing how long this has been building up, it's going to be a very destructive paroxysm.

The Donnas CD continues to kick ass. I'm desperate for new music. My playlist consists of songs I've heard to death. Sadly, it also consists of songs I hate. Whether I always hated them or stopped liking them over time is anyone's guess. I'm eagerly waiting for Ashlee Simpson's new CD - "Bittersweet World" to come out in March. Although I hear from Amazon that it's coming out February 19th. Hmm..

I'm getting into Cobra Starship. I like their music and their attitude. They don't care what everyone else thinks and they do their own thing. Plus, they love the gay people and in my opinion, that makes for a good band.

FedEx tricked me. They came here today. Not to deliver my AE clothes, but to drop off my brother's old Xbox 360, which he sent in for repairs. While it was gone, he bought an Elite. So now my dad has one. But, anyway. The tracking system at AE.com is WACK. According to it, it's been arriving at different ports at the same time and going in circles. Uhm.. okay? Whatever.. Better be here tomorrow.

Shit. 2:22 already. Night!